I'm fed up with the crap.  I have my ferrets in my room, they run
luxuriously about and what do they do???  They crap, not just in a corner,
not on the tile, but right in front of the door..and then they wait.
They hide under the bed skirt flat like socks waiting to snicker and dook,
laughing about when I open that door and it glides over that turd smashing
and smearing it into that once neutral RENTED carpet.
 
SO what do I do??  I begin to think they are bored with the room..was this
their alterior motive??  Did they know I would think this?  Did their poop
processors go into full action when I decided to let them free-roam for a
few minutes in the apartment??  SO the thanks I get, after they run under
the stove and begin crunching whatever month old dusty food they had hidden
before, is a turd in front of Oscar's closed door.  Yes, Oscar, the vile
iguana god.
 
The answer was simple...they had to be sacrificed to this iguana god that
they showed absolutely no respect for.  I took them in the room, one in
each hand, held high above my head and I said "bobbly bobble la, Oscar
take these foolish animals as a sacrifice!!" and I held them down for his
inspection.  He huffed and puffed, shot salt from his nostrils...his dew
flap was stretched like a boat sail, his tail slashed the hot air and he
did push-ups to show his strength...the heat of his spot-lamp was causing
beads of sweat on my forehead, and Chimi began to wriggle...he got loose!
He ran quickly behind Oscar's cage and reset his light timer so that he
would only get light during 3 hours of the morning!  Pepe got loose as I
tried to get Chimi and he ran to the fish tanks making faces at the 12 year
old feeder goldfish of infinite wisdom!  He mocked him and tried to run off
with his can of food!!
 
I grabbed them both back and they licked my ears and whispered sweet
nothings...I could not be tricked again...I put them into their cage where
they fell soundly asleep, as if that was where they wanted to be all along.
 
They refused to be sacrificed.  I am stuck.  Stuck with these horrible
little poopers that whisper little ferret gibberish in my ears so that I
forget all I was mad about and I love them again to the point that ferret
math sounds sweet.
 
and this will happen again.
Stephanie, Chimi (iguanas don't scare me) & Pepe (mmmm...tuna)
[Posted in FML issue 2697]