A snowflake fell today, Nibbles left me about 6:10pm.  She'd been getting
progressively worse all daylong-last night she'd been cleaning her little
face, just like all my other little carpet monkeys do when they eat-this
morning she was back to not being able to stand up.  I'm at a loss here,
just heartbroken.  I'd started feeding her this morning and she had her
teeth gripped together, wouldn t open her mouth, let the liquid run out the
sides of her mouth.  She made noises all day, as if in pain.  I spoke with
the vet and he said he was afraid her kidneys were failing her.  We had a
really severe snowfall here, so I was trying everything I could do on my
own with his guidance over the phone.  I went to the drug store and bought
eye/ear droppers with little tiny ends so that I wouldn t make her mouth
sore, and I started giving her Pedialyte.  She got up once to go to the
bathroom, and fell, so I held her up.  And because she was so weak she
couldn t keep herself clean, so yesterday and today I'd been washing her
off.  She got progressively weaker all afternoon, and I spoke with my vet
again.  He said to give her something with a little caffeine in it-flat
coke or tea with honey to stimulate her, so I made her some tea, added
honey to it and tried to give her some, but by then she was refusing
everything.  I tucked her inside my sweatshirt, had her wrapped in a little
towel, and carried her with me all day When I went upstairs to take care of
the crew she was with me, and they all knew it.  They also knew something
was up-they were sniffing all over me, trying to see her.  Later in the
afternoon I took her upstairs so they'd be able to say goodbye and even
then she wouldn t let them near her-she hissed and tried to bite Genie.
Genie let her, and then she, Conan and Kit all nuzzled Nibbles.  I let them
tell her goodbye without stressing her too much.  All afternoon she'd had
her teeth totally clamped-just refusing and fighting everything I was doing
for her.  At 3:30 this afternoon I realized I wouldn t be able to save her,
that she'd given up.  So I wrapped the little baby in a towel and held her,
and started telling her about the Rainbow Bridge, how wonderful it was.
Told her I knew she didn t like other fuzzies, but maybe when she got there
she would.  I also told her about all my cats, dogs, horses that had gone
to the bridge, told her to find them.  And I told Nibbles that even though
we hadn t known each other long, I truly did love her, and maybe, just
maybe, she'd wait for me.  If she didn t want to, and the woman who'd
owned her before passed through and Nibbles wanted to go with her, I'd
understand.  I kept her tucked in a towel against me all afternoon, told
her she wouldn t be alone, that I wouldn t leave her till she decided to
leave.  She was getting colder, so I put her under my sweatshirt and her
little head was up by my neck.  I'd stroke and talk to her, nuzzle her.
She reached her poor little weak head up and nuzzled my neck, and I broke
down.  I kept asking her to forgive me for not being able to save her, that
I was sorry the woman gave her away and I hoped she'd been happy a little
bit here.  It came time to go get my husband, and I put her in one of the
little sleep sacks Judy Cooke sent my crew for Christmas, tucked her back
under my sweatshirt, and tied it up so she wouldn t fall.  I put my down
coat on and we got into the car like that.  Got the heater running and we
went to get Larry, and I knew she wasn t going to be with me much longer.
We had to wait 10 minutes and I felt her moving so I reached in and petted
her head, talked to her for a few minutes.  She moved her head like she was
saying goodbye to me.  Larry got in the car and we got home about 6:30,
and I knew before I took her out of my shirt that she was gone.  It s been
snowing really hard here today, and I know that when a certain snowflake
fell, her spirit left.  I have no place to bury her, but there is a place
here in town that will cremate animals, so next week I'm taking her there.
I ll be getting myself an urn, and Nibbles will be with us still, and I
have her where she ll be all right till then.  I called the vet and told
her she was gone, and he said he was so very sorry.  I asked if we should
do a post and he told me that he'd seen this before, even with ferrets that
belonged to the same home.  I asked him what I had done wrong and he said I
did nothing wrong-that I'd gone farther than most people he knew.
 
Larry's had to help me through this, and I asked him, what did I do wrong,
was she happy here with us??  He told me that it wasn't anything I'd done,
that she just couldn t adjust-probably very attached to the woman who gave
her away.  I asked him if that woman had been upset and he said no, didn't
seem to bother her at all giving her up.    So Nibbles is gone, and it
hurts.  I know that all of you reading this that have lost babies know this
feeling.  I've lost dogs, cats, horses and I know the pain and even though
she was so tiny, the pain is still so large.
 
Sandee, do me a favor.  Watch for a little girl-she should be back up to
being healthy when she gets there.  She wasn't really a cinnamon, but not a
sable-more cinnamon than anything.  I don t know if she ll adjust to any
other ferrets right away, but I hope so.  Please tell her that I love her
very much, and miss her terribly.  And please, let her know I hope she was
happy here, even for a very brief time.
 
Rebecca & the very sad Crew of Merry Mayhem
 Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for thou art crunchy, and taste
 good with ketchup
[Posted in FML issue 2944]