Dear Ferret Folks-
 
Well, today my new (and only) nephew Alexi the Great got to meet his very
first ferret.  Alexi is 11 days old, it was high time he met a weasel.
Life is too short not to know many, many weasels.  And bugs.  And
hedgehogs.  And tractors.  And rain clouds.  And kitties.  And all the
marvelous new things life has to offer when you've never seen any of it
before.
 
I had been worrying, though.  Not about any danger that I believe my
house otters might inflict upon Alexi, but about how his mom, my one and
only little sister, would react when she finally saw my domesticated
mini-wolverines swarming around her firstborn.  I said around, not on or
over.  Alexi is still small enough to stash, so it was a carefully
supervised visit.
 
I had a scare when my sister picked up the baby carrier (minus the baby,
who was elsewhere) from the floor and started swearing.  A weasel fell
out of it and onto the floor.  Thump!  ( Oops.) I half cringed in fear,
but it was a false alarm.  She was worried that she would accidentally
leave the house with a weasel hidden in the carrier, or in the diaper
bag.(they looooove the diaper bag) She did NOT want to discover a
wet-nosed hitch hiker while driving home.  Understandable.  And she
wasn't mad.  Cool!
 
Later, Alexi was tucked back into his Graco travel bucket and ready to
go.  I followed the new little family outside and to their car.  As
the new daddy strapped the bucket into the car, I heard him say "Hey!
there's ferret *** *n his mouth!" In other words, I could almost make
out what he was saying, as his whole front half was in the back seat
strapping in the baby bucket.  Some words were missing.
 
My sister heard it, too, only she THOUGHT she heard "Hey, there's ferret
(poo i)n his mouth!"  Well, O.K., I can see getting a little bent about
that...him being her tender, helpless pink little firstborn child and
all...ferret poo in the mouth would be bad.
 
My sister reacted to this outrage with, well, outrage.  Ever seen
American Werewolf in London?  The amazing makeup scenes where the guy
sprouts fur and fangs, and a snout to keep the fangs in?  She sort of
did that.  Only not as hairy.
 
I cringed in fear.  Eeek!  I call her my little sister, but really, she
weighs a good 75 pounds more than I do, and she's still full of those
birthing hormones and everything, and well, ferret poo in the toothless
mouth...
 
She yelled "*&^*@#$ FERRET poo!?  In his MOUTH?!" While gaining another
foot in height, and another 75 pounds of Were-Mom muscle.
 
As I flattened against the side of the car and tried mightily to become
invisible, daddy pulled up out of the car and said "No, there's ferret
(fur o)n his mouth." My sister instantly shed her fur, the fangs fell
from her slavering snout like icicles from the roof on a warm,windy
winter's morning, and she lost that last 75 pounds of Bo-Flex beef.
 
Oh, god.  I deflated like a balloon that someone had been blowing up.
You know what it's like when you're holding the neck closed with your
fingers, and then you let go, and it splutters back and forth all over
the place, getting smaller and smaller?  I was kind of like that.
Sssppppuuuuuttt!
 
"Oh," she said.  "Take it off." And that was it.  No bloodshed, no
ultimatums about how they would never darken my door again as long as I
had those (insert bad word here) weasles in my house, how dare I, we're
going to the Emergency Room now and I HATE YOU!  None of those scenarios
came to pass.
 
Alexi is allowed to come over and play anytime.
Cool!
 
Aunt Alexandra in Massachusetts
[Posted in FML issue 4148]