Hi Everyone,
We had so much fun with 'If I were a ferret' that I thought a new round
might also be fun.  How about the reprimanded ferret saying 'I will not...'
' I do not...' or anything else they would be corrected for, such as the
following:
 
I will not torment the cat merely because it's fun.  I will find a better
reason.
 
I will not roll the phone over in its cradle in an attempt to eat the
buttons and then push it onto the floor because I like the noise it makes
as it crashes to the floor propelling the battery across the room.
 
I will not hide inside the back of the sofa causing my humans to
practically dismantle the whole sofa to get me out.
 
I will not drag the full water dish across the wood floor, leaving a
12-foot river behind me, in an attempt it drag it to my hidey-hole.
 
I will not be a co-conspirator with one of my siblings in order to distract
mom's attention so I can erase the report that took her 2 hrs. to compose
on the computer before she had a chance to save it.  (human lesson--hit the
save button often).
 
I will not escape from my room and run up to the bedroom to my human's
waterbed to hid in the drawers and cause her to be VERY late for work,
launching a 3-person search thinking I could be outside or worse.  I
takes years off her like.
 
I will not give my human tons of sweet ferret kisses and then bite her nose
just to prove I'm the boss.  The boss should never have to be sent to his
condo for a 'time-out'.  It's just plain embarrassing.
 
I will not rip the zipper off the sofa cushion to get at the foam inside
that needs to be professionally shred (as only a ferret can) and the act
innocent.  (not to ferrets-it's hard to convincing with foam pieces stuck
to your toes);
 
I will not drag my female sibling around by her ear to the point where she
screams so loud mom rushes to her aid and is unable to see my brother who's
climbed up onto the counter and is now throwing tomatoes onto the floor.
 
I will not make an aerial attempt to get to a ringing phone.  The call is
never for me, anyway.
 
I will not drag the new shelter ferret out of one of my homemade cardboard
houses just to prove I'm alpha ferret.  She gets treats and I get 'time-out'
in the condo.  Not fair.
 
I am not a gardener and have no need to knock over the potted plant in
order to re-pot it in my hidey-hole.
 
I'll be waiting to hear from you all.
Dooks and Dances,
Angela and the Angels ( Mocha-alpha ferret,   Cocoa-sweet guilty one,
Toba-Mocha's teaching me well, Teddy-I'm not as innocent as I look)
[Posted in FML issue 3163]