Hello, My name is Sgt Seymour, 124-23-3544, of the Canadain Republican
Ferret Liberation of the Free Willy Foundation for the Preservalance of All
Good Furry Creatures with Sharp Teeth.  I would like to officialy join the
FLO.  I have experience in covert operations.  I have really sharp teeth.  I
can kick a FDIs ass in a second.  I have been doing rebel work in a habitat
of local neutral humans (though I have good reason to believe they haven't
*really* been neutered).  One night while the NH were asleepand so was their
FDI, I recieved a TOP SECRET communication link up with Canadain head
Quarters.  My mission was to steal a cat for experimental purposes.  I am a
soldier so I don't question orders, especially one that sounded really fun.
The operations Order stated that cat had to kidnapped on the next night.
That was alright because the humans were going out to eat animal flesh at
another human gathering place.  When the humans left I pretended to be very
sad at seeing them leave.  The cat was just looking into space.  God cats
are redarded!  I began to form a plan.  I was going to gain the cats trust
by letting it groom me.  War is Hell!  yech!  During this barbaric rite I
told the cat that I had some chicken hearts for him.  The fool believed me.
I got the cat into a special decked out American F-16 fighter jet from the
upstairs window.  Ferrets at mach 3.  The stupid cat still thought he was
going to get his chicken hearts.  The flight over Texas was without
incident.  It was when we reached Utah that the problems started.  The early
warning lights of the jet were flashing.  We had inbound missiles
approaching.  The Federation of United Gerbils against Ferrets Army had
launched a full flegde assault.  The F-16 caught a round and we were going
down I had managed to hit the eject button in time.  We landed somewhere in
the middle of the desert.  I managed to flag down an passing big rig for a
lift.  The cat was begining to sense something was going on, so I had to
hold him at gun point from this time on.  The human gave us a lift as far as
Montana and also gave us $50 for a hotel room.  We checked in at the local
Travel Inn.  After checking in and taking a shower I was really feeling in
the mode for some action, if you know what I mean.  Then I rememberd that
during the great wars of my youth I had been "injured" in battle.  I took a
round in the jimmys.  The next morning I was looking at some Harleys to
steal for the remainder of the trip.  I was suddenly shook from behind:
ELVIS He grabbed me and the FDI unit and transported us onto his big
spaceship.  WHOOSH!!  Away we flew!  Inside I got to have tea and crumpets
with JFK.  He was talking about how he would like to kick some guy named
Stone's ass.  Anyways they beemed us to the, what ever my organizations
called, its been a long trip.  I had to deliver the Damn cat to the
General-el presidentae.  He welcomed me and then looked at the cat and said,
"Son, I asked for a female not a male you reject" At that time I was
stripped of all rank and privilages.  They were gracious enough to provide
me with greyhound bus tickets back to Austin, Texas.  Unfortunately, they
sent the cat Federal Express!  The auckinking fasses!!  When I reached home
the humans had still not returned, they would never be the wiser, if it was
not for that darn Federal Express strike that delayed the cat for a week.
Boy I had some explaining to do as to why the cat was in the cat was shoved
in a tiny little PO box.  But I did not tell them anything!
 
So I've been kicked out of the Canadian..Rebellion...whatchamajigger...
Free Willy...  thingmabob.....  But, I promise, I'm a great soldier.  Give
me a chance!  Long live the FLO!!
 
Besides, Little Girl said she likes a guy in uniform.....(many niplets to my
sweet little cuddly sassy sweetheart!!)
 
Ahem..
 
[Posted in FML issue 1515]
[Posted in FML issue 1515]