A ferret, wearing a conservative suit and bowler and carrying an umbrella,
steps forward.  A dignified Cambridge man sticks his head out of the
ferret's nostril and solemnly says, "And now for something completely
different".  The ferret begins to sing:
 
THE JOHN CLEESE SONG
By Paul E. Jamison
Music by Bob Leaper (traditional)
Based on "The Ferret Song" by Graham Chapman and John Cleese
 
I've got a John Cleese sticking up my nose.
I've got a John Cleese sticking up my nose.
How it got there I can't tell
But now it's there it hurts like hell
And what is more it radically affects my sense of smell.
 
I've got a John Cleese sticking up my nose.
It starts singing when I wear my formal clothes.
I can almost stand the noise
But at parties it destroys
My hard-earned and carefully cultivated social poise.
 
I've got a John Cleese sticking up my nose.
Worst of all it constantly explodes.
"John Cleese doesn't explode," you say
But it happened nine times yesterday
And I should know for each time I was standing in the way.
 
I've got a John Cleese sticking up my nose.
It pokes its head out every time I blow.
I can stand it for a while
Although it's absolutely vile
It's not as bad as last week when I had an Eric Idle.
 
I can see a bare-bottomed Michael Palin.
Slyly eyeing my other nostril.
I really don't know what to do
But if it jumps inside there too
I shall be the proud possessor of a kind of nasal classic British
television comedy series.
 
I've got a John Cleese sticking up my nose.
I've got a John Cleese sticking up my nose.
How it got there I can't tell
But now it's there it hurts like hell
And what is more it radically affects...
My sense of smell!
 
Paul E. Jamison - who evidently has far too much time on his hands
[Posted in FML issue 3371]