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Subject:
From:
Kim Schilling <[log in to unmask]>
Date:
Tue, 16 Mar 2004 15:45:10 -0600
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Several days ago I read Rochelle's plea for help with a sick ferret.  I
sat on it a bit, because not only did her situation bother me, but even
moreso a response she received stirred up a lot of emotion inside of me.
I knew that an immediate reply from me would be hasty, lack compassion
and understanding, and lead only to the very thing I'm about to drone on
about.
 
As someone who's been in rescue for over 20 years, I've heard just about
every excuse possible for an animal landing on my doorstep.  My internal
responses range from, "Oh, God, I would do the same in your position..."
to "What a ^%#** moron...." to "This #$&%@ should be strung up and
stoned."  I say "internal" responses, because there was a time in my
life when I actually verbalized every thought that popped up in my head.
It was no secret that I disliked most people who crossed my cynical path.
I still don't like most people <g> but most people don't know that.
Anyway, I can't keep myself from *thinking* certain thoughts, but my urge
to say them out loud has lessened, mostly because I've grown up - only
slightly - but moreso because I learned the hard way that things are not
always as they appear, and I really don't have all of the answers even
when I pretend I do.  One day I got a call from a woman who needed to
place 3 ferrets.  As my eyes rolled to the back of my head, I listened
impatiently as she told me she was moving and couldn't take them with.
I asked, "WHY?"  She then told me she had no money and couldn't take care
of them.  So I asked, "Why did you get them in the first place then?"  By
then I was no longer listening to her replies.  I might have even been
filing my nails and catching glimpses of news clips.  Afte begrudgingly
agreeing to taking on 3 more ferrets, I hurried the woman off the phone,
making sure she deeply felt my displeasure and realized the evils of her
ways.  I met her, very pregnant and with 2 small children in tow, at my
door the next day.  I was cordial, but short as I poked my head into the
box.  Staring up at me were 3 of the most pathetic creatures I'd ever run
across.  They were bone thin, flea ridden and sparsely furred.  One had a
huge absess on her gum.  I probably didn't have to say what was on my
mind, because my face said it all.  Still, out spilled the words of shame
and disbelief.  She then handed me a box of Meow Mix which she'd picked
up from the store on her way to give up her supposedly beloved ferrets.
It was the least she could do since I was taking in her ferrets, she
said.  I stopped talking after that.  I was at a loss for words.  She
thanked me profusely for helping her, and she hurried herself and her
children to an awaiting cab.
 
It was the same old story.  Personal details vary, but excuses are pretty
consistent: Moving, no time, no money, new baby.  Blah blah blah.  Almost
all of you have encountered similar situations.  Almost all of you had
the same thoughts, the same reactions, the same disgust.  Rescuers get
numb after a while.  The abusers stick out for a while, but eventually
get shoved into the generic faceless heap with the rest of the people.
Almost all of us rationalize this "mass neutering" of our fellow human
beings as we tend selflessly to their poor individual and unique critters
left in our care.  It's our purpose in life.
 
A month or so after this rescue, and several rescues later, I received a
phone call from a good friend of mine.  We chatted about this and that,
and before hanging up she asked about a lady who recently gave up some
ferrets.  Apparently my friend had referred this person to me.  After
getting more details, since they all blend together, I came to realize
she was talking about that horrible woman who dropped off the 3 terribly
neglected ferrets.  I was quick to tell my friend all the awful things
about these poor ferrets who were now on their way back to good health.
After I stopped talking and came up for air, my friend told me a little
more about this mom who came to me for help a month back.  Her name was
Lynette.  She was married, had two children and another on the way.  Her
husband began drinking profusely after being laid off 2 years prior.  He
became increasingly abusive emotionally to both her and their children.
Not unusual, the abuse escalated to physical and the woman was a frequent
target of her husband's rage.  He was angry at the thought of having yet
another mouth to feed as well.  The children were spared physical abuse,
but witnessed the rage and abuse towards their mother.  As is often the
case, threats were made that kept her from seeking help until one evening
a vicious kick to the stomach almost cost her the life of her unborn
child.  In the dead of night, and with her husband passed out, she
bundled up her children and slipped out with nothing but the clothes on
their backs.  They left behind several cherished pets, including their
3 greatly adored ferrets.  Women's shelters wouldn't allow pets.  Two
months after fleeing from her abusive husband, Lynette was in a position
to safely return to retrieve her pets and the rest of her belongings.
Within 24 hours, she arrived at my door with her ferrets, kept alive only
by her husband's minimal care.
***************
I don't think I really need to expound on how I felt when my friend was
finished telling me about Lynette.  She thanked me for helping this
woman.  Lynette had called my friend to thank her for finding me.  She
told her to tell me that I was an angel - a gift from God - and that she
would never forget....
****************
That incident changed my life and reminded me that rescuing is not
always limited to the animals we take in.  Although I'm still guilty of
pre-judging and being cynical, I do my best to believe there's more to
a story than what I see or even what I'm told.  A rescue as extreme as
Lynette's is not the only kind that warrants our compassion as rescuers.
I have to believe that MOST people do the very best they can.  Not all
owner give-ups come from uncaring, irresponsible, selfish idiots.
Although we still may think it in our heads.
***************
 
The job of a rescuer is multi-faceted.  It doesn't begin with and end
with taking the animal in and re-homing it.  It's truly a double edged
sword.  While we don't want to make is too convenient for people to
"dump" pets, and we need to educate pet owners, we also don't want to
create such a hostile environment that people don't feel *safe* enough
to bring in animals that REALLY need rescuing.  I have to wonder about
some of the animals that are turned loose, left on doorsteps in boxes,
left in drop boxes (don't have those in Illinois - still, the concept
blows my mind!), or even killed.  Were the owners too embarrassed?
Shamed?  Turned away?  Some people are just horrible.  That's a fact.
But that shouldn't cloud our reality about other people.  I also know
that there are people on this list who have just read all this and are
right now listing in their heads all of the things Lynette should've or
could've done according to "their" own standards.  Stop it.  People have
their limits.  Shaming them for not having limits as high as yours?......
I don't think most of you have the tolerance/limits that I have, nor
should you be expected to.  That doesn't mean I think less of you.
 
Kim
[Posted in FML issue 4454]

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