Your horoscope for today:
 
Aries (Mommy): New Moon coincides with "winning streak" ("I worked hard for
this nervous breakdown, I put all my effort into it, and BY GOD I'M GOING TO
HAVE IT!!!").  Social activities accelerate (Lisa, roommate's fuzzy, escapes
cage and comes tundling in to living-room to visit her brother, Bart, and
Jessie), you'll be popular (roommate greets me at door, saying, "Where the
hell have you _been_?  Do you realize what they've done _now_?"), people
consult you concerning fashion, current events (somebody calls about the
local ferret frolic, asks what to take besides their ferrets, I advise
"Excedrin and tranquilizers -- for yourself!"), Sagittarian plays money role
(I spend two hours on the phone long-distance with Sagittarian friend,
asking advice on how to re-wire the cage door _again_, so that Bart can't
jimmy it again; he advises placing entire cage inside large, transparent
cube with lid on top and bolts to hold said lid in place except when I want
to take them out).
 
Gemini (cat): Read between lines, study Taurus message (Mommy is full of
it), disseminate information (nag Mommy for not paying enough to attention
to you, be sure to do it when Mommy is busy trying to clean weasel-cage,
corral fuzzies [which means digging them out from under and inside
furniture, not to mention figuring out which furniture they're in to start
with), enjoy flirtation but don't let it get out of hand (strop Mommy's
ankles every time she enters kitchen -- until she finally gets the idea and
cuts up some more beef kidneys for you, at which point head for the kidneys,
the hell with Mommy).  Clandestine arrangement lends spice (slip into
roommate's closet again; roommate hits ceiling when she finds you and yet
another layer of fur all over her things).  Virgo figures prominently
(Mommy's rising-sign is Virgo).
 
Cancer (Bart, Jessie, Lisa): Your kind of day!  (_Uh_-oh!) Family member
consults (see notes about Lisa breaking out of cage, visiting Bart, above).
Fantasies transformed into realities ("Oh, God, I didn't even know they
could _do_ that!"), especially where money is concerned ("Whaddaya mean, she
ate your wallet?!").  Venture capital involved ("So I'll pay for it,
already!  I mean, how much damage can one little, tiny -- oh, dear God, you
can't mean it!").  Libra figures in scenario ("_Now_ look -- Bart busted my
postal scale!").
 
Leo (roommate): Element of deception present ("Oh, lord, I thought all this
time she was in her cage!"), have antenna up for possible juggling of
figures ("Yeah, it really is gonna cost that much!").  Much takes place
behind the scenes ("Bart -- Jessie -- I don't know which one of you it is,
but you come out of there _this instant_!!"), be discreet ("You go around
_that_ way, I'll go around _this_ way, maybe we can trick her into coming
out .  .  ."), avoid making accusations ("_Bart!!_ -- Oh, damn, I'm sorry,
Bart, I thought it was you.  -- _Lisa_!!!").  Pisces plays role (friend
calls up to ask about her Pisces ferret, who apparently has routed out a
ghost.  Or something).
 
Virgo (Mommy's rising sign): Emphasis on organization ("Bart, _don't tip
over my work-basket_!!!"), priorities ("Bart smells the worst, let's bathe
him first"), plans concerning publishing ("Bart, don't you _dare_ get into
that manuscript!!"), travel ("Who's going to drive Lisa to the vet for that
dislocated toe?"), romantic interlude ("Dear God, we _fixed_ both of you,
what are you _up_ to in there?!").  Check records ("Better have them give
Lisa her shots while she's in there, it's been a year"), former co-worker
makes false charge ("No she did _not_ eat your stocking-cap!  [Bart was the
one who nipped off with it, and we have no idea what he did with it.]").
Capricorn, Cancer natives involved (Bart and Jessie are very good at getting
our goats -- and we won't even talk about Lisa!)
 
Scorpio (cat's rising sign): Self-revelation!  (Cat, as usual, is walking in
front of Mommy behind Mommy, gets tail stepped on, announces fact to whole
world at top of lungs) Decision reached concerning public appearance ("Okay,
Puggsley, I've _had_ it, _out_ you go!  Go chase the ducks or something!"),
legal agreement ("Okay, okay, I'll pay for the duck he -- what goose?"),
marital status ("Look, Sam, I had him fixed _years_ ago, he _couldn't_ have
been the one trysting with your Cindy!  It was probably that big calico job
who lives in # 405!").  Make fresh start (Mommy finally changes cat-box
sand, cat promptly uses it), free yourself from unsavory relationship ("Lisa
is trying to seduce _who?_"), situation ("_Bart_ is trying to seduce
_who_?").  Leo involved (see remarks about roommate, above).
 
-- Enjoy, YRD
[Posted in FML issue 1572]