To my special FML family,
 
I have been following all the posts about people's losses for a long time
and it seems that there are more right now than ever before.  Maybe not,
but it seems that way to me.  My schedule is such that I can't even begin
to name each of you or reply to each one individually, yet for every loss,
I cry and my heart breaks for you.
 
I read all the condolences and feel like there is very little I can say
that hasn't already been said many times.  I fumble for words that will be
meaningful and comforting and feel like I can't begin to come up with
anything.  I honestly don't know if I could be comforted if it was
happening to me.  Especially if I went through a rash of losses as Kevin
has.
 
I struggle with this agonizing feeling of helplessness, this need to "make
everything better" for everybody, to personally hold and love and heal each
sick ferret, and this complete inability to do anything at all except to
try and finish the things I've already begun doing to help others.  And
those things seem so small, and yet have me so busy, I feel just so small,
like I don't know if I can make a big enough difference.
 
I pray for each of you though I can't remember or keep track of all your
names.  I cry myself to sleep at night as I talk to God about your losses
and your sadness and try to understand "why".  I just want you all to know,
even when I don't respond to each of you, I am reading every chance I get,
trying to keep up with the FML, and trying to keep all of you and the needs
of you, your families, fuzzies and other pets in my prayers.  I pray for
your peace of mind and heart, comfort, rest, acceptance, relief from the
pain, without forgetting what you cherish about your babies who are sick or
at the bridge.  I'm sorry I can't offer more, but if you understand that my
heart is breaking for you and with you, and that you are not alone or
forgotten, ever, I guess you might realize I am giving a part of myself, as
most of us are, as feeble as it may be.
 
I'm sorry to ramble and sound sappy.  I don't know what else to say.  If I
could take on your pain and carry it for you, I would.  But I guess God
knows while my heart is that big, my shoulders aren't that wide and it
would break me.  So, please accept my love, my sorrow, my tears and my
prayers for you and your babies.  And forgive me if this sounds dopey.  And
I wish you all new hope, healing, joy and laughter in the days to come.
 
from my heart,
 
Alecia
 
"Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food.  If one of
you says to him, 'Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed,' but does
nothing about his physical needs, what good is it?  In the same way, faith
by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead."
James 2:15-17=20
[Posted in FML issue 2913]