Hi FML!  Elizabeth here, crazy daughter of Mad Bob C, the guy with a closet
full of skeletons.  I was at UM today meeting my advisor, and dad kept
showing me off to his friends.  But not the cute ones, darn!  Dad had Sam
Luc and Moose on leashes, and everyone thought they were great.  I brought
Bastet out on a leash also.  Bastet is our cat.  She is a Japanese Bobtail
dad rescued as a kitten.  Bastet loves going on walks and eating grass, but
hates the ferrets.  She just stares at them for hours, and sometimes swats
at them.  All the ferrets stop and stare when she does this, but Chrys and
Foster charge her, which sends her running.  Anyway, I thought Columbia was
supposed to be ferret free, but even the cops thought they were neat, and
left dad alone.  I think he wanted them to do something, but they only
petted them and left.  Dad looked disappointed.
 
Dad was very careful with the ferrets.  If anyone wanted to pet them, he
told the story of Kodo, then held their heads and let the people pet the
ferret's backs so no mistakes could happen.  Most of the people got mad when
they heard of Kodo, and one guy got on a rant about pot.  One funny thing
did happen when some kids ran over to look at the "roped squirrels." Dad
loves kids and loves telling stories.  I think he was born to be a
grandfather, even if he listens to heavy metal.  I can just see him taking
his tottling grandkids to an AC/DC concert.  Anyway, the kids were
fascinated by the ferrets, especially Sam Luc, who has this really short
tail because someone once slammed it in a door.  Of course they wanted to
know what happened to the tail, so dad told them that the ferrets were
bionic, and part of the tail broke off when he was winding them up in the
morning, and he had run out of tail glue.
 
Then he picked up Moose, who sleeps REALLY soundly, and laid him on his lap.
Of course, Moose kept sleeping, then dad grabbed his tail and began to
slowly spin it in circles.  To Moose, as dad says, this is "an invitation to
an altercation!" He jumped up, spun around and started wardancing.  Dad
looked at the kids, and said, "See?" THEN he told them Bastet's tail was
missing because of the same thing, except the tail broke off higher because
she was made in Japan from cheap materials.  When Shiguru, dad's best
friend, heard this (He was eating lunch with us), he squirted dad with his
"zoomorphic" squirt gun.  It looks like a fish.  Dad pulled out his Elephant
shirt gun, and water flew!  Both ferrets were wardancing, so dad squirted
them too, and Sam Luc tried to bite the water, but only ended up tangling up
in dad's feet.  Dad slipped and Shiquru and I drenched him for making fun of
Bastet and Japan.
 
Shiguru is an MA student from Japan who is going to UCLA to be an
archaeologist, and dad was his boss last year.  They eat sushi and hot spicy
food together, and dad gave Shiguru a cinnamon ferret for Christmas.
Shiguru named the ferret "Hone" which I think means bone.  Shiguru gave dad
a really old bonsai ginko tree (Dad loves bonsai, and has "training" about
40 trees from before I was born) Shiguru came out to visit dad and they've
been eating raw salmon ever since.  YEEEECH!  Dad dug into his Japanese
monster movie collection, and the two have been camped in the front room,
drinking beer, eating all sorts of junk, and swearing in Japanese.  Oh yeah,
they have also been watching LOTS of baseball.  DOUBLE YEEECH!  They are
going rock climbing and caving on Saturday, then dad will drop Shiguru off
at the St. Louis airport on his way to Washington DC.  The ferrets love
Shiguru who falls asleep on the floor just like dad.  This morning Shiguru's
bare foot was across dads face, and three ferrets were on his belly.  Dad
was on his back snoring, and Shiguru was snoring in Japanese.  On the TV was
a movie about a giant moth or something.  Some ferret had dug rice out of a
bowl, and it was everywhere.  A single chopstick, all chewed up, was pinned
under dads butt.  I gently woke him up, and he looked at me with red
bloodshot eyes and asked what day it was then immediately began snoring
again.  Shiguru had a raccoon bacula tied around his neck, and Hone and
Stella were camped by his head.  He wouldn't wake up either.  I left then on
the floor to come up and write this, although originally I came over to run
with dad.  I think I'll run over to MU and find a cute archaeologist.... You
should have woke up, dad!
 
Dad was given a lot of blood this week, so no longer looks like Dracula.  He
still won't have his darn surgery until he "can find the time or he
explodes, whatever comes first." He is so hardheaded!  He crashed his bike
on some gravel, so has a big strawberry on his rear which he told the doctor
was from his daughter kicking his butt.  He was going around yesterday
showing everyone the hole in his riding shorts, saying he "filed" it away
for future reference and he was "stoned." Someday someone is going to
believe his stories and he is going to get into lots of trouble.  He will
just laugh.
 
Oh yeah, I've decided to major in education with a journalism minor.  Dad
says teaching others is one of the most honorable things a person can do.
I hope I can learn to teach as well as he can!
 
Elizabeth, daughter of Bad Bob and picker upper of the pooper.
[Posted in FML issue 1966]