Dear Ferret Folks-
 
Like every young weaselette, Switch the Kit wants to look good.  Nose
wet, eyes bright, coat glossy.  She wants the hobs to look at her and
think mink!  She really dreads the thought of someday developing that
distinctive 'pear shape' to her.  She doesn't want to be dragging that
dreaded 'six pack' of boobs on the ground when she walks, no way, no how.
As a result, Switch disdains both Cheerios and raisins.  Won't touch 'em,
she's absolutely neurotic in her refusal to indulge in these traditional
ferret treats.
 
It's bad enough, the pressure she gets from looking at the picture
perfect mustellid models in Ferrets Magazine and Modern Ferret, her body
self-image is all messed up.  And Now, Bob C.  is freaking her out with
this thread about ferret diet.  All this talk about empty carbs and
'satisfying' raisin treats with no nutritional value (but lots of
calories), she just can't take it anymore.
 
Tonight I found that she spilled her kibble out of the bowl and arranged
the bits on the floor into the shape of a rabbit, it was too sad.
 
I'm afraid she's going to try that new fad diet, 'Pritkin for Polecats.'
The one where you eat only what you can kill with your face.  I know, I
know it has done wonders for a number of Hollywood celebrities.  You see
the razor thin ladies out on Rodeo drive, shopping at all the exclusive
stores and surreptitiously spitting out wads of fur when they think
nobody is looking.  It's a terrible way to live, and all the small game
in southern California is disappearing at an alarming rate.(Remember when
Calista Flockhart got that hairball, and almost starved to death?)
 
I worry.  She is so young.
 
Alexandra in Massachusetts
[Posted in FML issue 3942]