WARNING.  Do not read this posting if you don't like Lipinski.  If however
you want to learn a little something that's highly beneficial to the ferret,
yes, even to our "Superior" ferrets, then read on and benefit from what
Lipinski has to say.
 
This posting is directed mostly at Luann McCann's frustration with her
digging ferret, and also to others who may experience the same phenomenon.
 
Today in Seattle on a very warm day (for Dec 3rd) with lots of sunshine and
54 degrees F, 14 ferrets were posted outside in the ferret digging grounds
(not in the driveway, as someone has erronously stated) and doing what most
ferrets cannot keep from doing, and that is digging.  Digging in the clean
Mother Earth.
 
Yes they were in tight, figure-8, Englander-made, leather harnesses, (you
can hardly get these harnesses in the USA anymore, since they are formerly
imports from the land of the mighty Spitfire-the nemesis of the Luftwaffe
Messerschmidt 109E), each ferret tethered by a 3-foot long leash-line to a
steel upright pole.
 
Most of the 14 ferrets were soon out of sight, because they continued to dig
out the tunnels that had been dug by ferrets previously posted.  They dug,
dug and dug, scooping out the soil from the tunnels in a manner that is
absolutely peculiar to the ferret.  The loosened dirt is kept between their
front and rear paws as they reverse themselves some 1 to 2 feet to deposit
the excavated dirt in a trough that is straight away from the tunnel
entrance.  The tunnel mouth of a ferret den is instantly recognized by
anyone familiar with the characteristics of the Superior class ferret.  Such
recognition by the owner of a pet store ferret would not normally be
realized, since that person is not privy to such knowledge.  That is, of
course, unless they are well read; a fact not too common to some owners of
inferior ferrets.  Except you dear reader who art still with me down to this
point.
 
I want to emphasize that the digging instinct is very, very strong, for it
is in the subterranean world where they would normally live.  They would
live in the dens of the prairie dog (or other subground dweller), as does
the nearly extinct Black-footed ferret of the northern plains.  Hello World!
Digging is natural for the ferret; it's as natural to him as crawling into
bed at night's end is for you.
 
The consequential benefits of the ferret's digging is at least threefold: 1)
It satisifies the fundamental need to dig that is genetically bred into the
ferret.  2) Digging wears down the ferret's rapidly growing front paw
claws.(You needn't ever clip them.).  3) The clean Mother Earth is the best
bath a ferret can have, for it substitutes for the accumulated skin oils,
the natural odor of Mother Earth herself.  A dug ferret, even a mature
testiclulated one, is essentially odorless after Mother Earth's
thigmotrophic embrace.  (Go look it up.)
 
So, it should not be too hard for you folks to figure out, that if you allow
your inferior ferret repeated access to Mother Earth, his need to dig into
your carpets should be reduced if not eliminated, and the fact that a "well
dug" ferret has developed "dull" foreclaws would indicate that any carpet
digging that did occur would be less damaging, and lastly, a "well dug"
ferret would never have to be bathed and/or perfumed, as are so many of the
pet store, "sissy" ferrets.
 
In summary, I, Edward Frettchenvergnuegen Lipinski, would leave you with
this admonition:  If you don't allow your ferret repeated, frequent access
to Mother Earth, are you really doing all you can for your ferret?  Of
course you're not.
 
                   Uberrima fides. [L.] Superabounding faith.
 
Edward Frettchenvergnuegen Lipinski,  Der Frettchenlustbarkeitsfuehrer !
Frettchenvergnuegen [G.] Joy of Ferrets.  F...fuehrer [G.] Ferret frolics
leader.
[Posted in FML issue 2145]