In a marriage which has a good chance of working well EACH person puts the
other one first, and things are weighed; it can't be one-sided thing.  If
the problem the potential husband has is a medical one like bad asthma or
something similarly extreme then the potential wife will notice that and
respond accordingly, but if the potential wife loves the ferrets and it
just that the potential husband does not like them or wants to have control
then the potential wife should find someone more loving before there are
regrets.
 
Having a spouse is a big deal -- but it's not a glory situation in and of
itself -- so waiting for the right person is completely worth it.  My Aunt
Fran was berated (by people whose earlier marriages led to nothing special)
since she didn't marry till she was 40 and Lou was 50, but she and Uncle
Lou have one of the five best marriages I know (Our's is one other one.).
Now they have been married for over 40 years of true bliss.  That's how I
learned to wait.  Steve and I have been married for 20 years this year,
but his was not the first proposal I'd gotten (2 asked twice.).  I
remained friends with most of the ones who didn't have the personality
characteristics I felt that I needed for a reasonable marriage and for me
to not turn into a shrew, though a number of us have lost contact over the
decades between.  Most later found someone far better suited for them than
I would have been, though some did not chose by personality.  Steve and I
were wed just a half year before I turned 30.
 
I've got a funny story for you about putting the other one first; it is
about how we first got ferrets.  Steve thought that I wanted a ferret and I
thought that he wanted a ferret so we got our first ferret because each one
thought the OTHER one wanted one!  Not knowing ferrets at the time neither
of us actually wanted one.  18 years and many ferrets later we can't
imagine life without ferrets.
 
Of course, that is just my opinion on marriage but knowing about people who
remain completely in love and best friends over the years might be useful.
I got lucky because I got to observe Fran and Lou; Steve got lucky because
he got to observe his godparents.  Otherwise, we might not have been so
fortunate and might not have waited for the right person.  Hope others are
as fortunate.  One of the scariest lines I know is, "I've invested so much
time in him/her." because that is not a reason to marry; another is "I'll
never get anyone this good looking/rich/powerful/famous again.".
Personalities and how they mesh need to count first.  The most physically
beautiful person imaginable becomes the ugliest if the personality is ugly,
and time lost to a relationship is nothing compared to that lost to the
misery of a bad marriage.  I've had a person tell me on her death-bed that
she should not have married the man she stuck with for decades; that is
true regret.
 
Besides, if it's not something medical like a severe allergy a loving
couple will get to laugh together over the antics of ferrets and that
helps a LOT whenever there's been a rough day or pressures.  We've found
that not only is our marriage good for the ferrets but they are good for
our marriage.
[Posted in FML issue 3148]