"Ping, Ping get off of the counter."
 
"No, noooo!  Get down!"
 
"Don't make me get up and go over there again, you weasel."
 
"$%^&!! I said, DON"T GET UP ON THAT COUNTER."
 
"Get DOWN.."
 
"No, I don't WANT you in my sink.  Get DOWN."
 
"Get off of the COUNTER!"
 
"Here.  Here's the floor again.  Stay on the FLOOR."
 
"Noooo!  Gimme a &^%^&%$ break, Ping.  Stay on the FLOOR."
 
"That?  That was some tupperware on the counter.  Oh, and a fork.  Yeah,
he's on the counter again.  YES I put him on the floor."
 
"PING!  Honey, this time squirt him with the hose in the sink.  Maybe
he'll get the message."
 
"Ha-ha-ha-ha!  He dried himself on your feet!  That's a good one."
 
"He's up there AGAIN?"
 
"Why not?Try the hose again, then put him on the floor."
 
"Ah, c'mon Ping, GET DOWN."
 
GET DOWN !
 
GET DOWN !
 
GET DOWN !
 
"Staaaaaaay down, *ammit."
 
"Yup.  now he's eating the plants on the windowsill.  Yes, the ones ABOVE
THE SINK."
 
"Yes, he's back in the sink.  What did you expect."
 
"PING!  I'm coming back over there, you better run, boy!"
 
"Ye-ah! This is the hose. Remember the hose, buddy?"
 
"Aw, now there's water EVERYWHERE!!"
 
"Use one of the dirty towels in the laundry, don't use a clean towel to
wipe the floor!"
 
"NO!  Don't let him dry himself on the towel, why make it easier for
him?"
 
"No. Way.  It's your turn."
 
"There is no need to get water all over the place!  Squirt the weasel,
not the floor!"
 
"I don't care anymore.  Let him up there."
 
"FINE.  Then it's an inconsistant message.  He doesn't CARE.  He just
doesn't care."
 
"No.  It doesn't matter.  He's already thrown everything on the floor.
What can it possibly matter, now?"
 
"P_I_N_G!!!!   GET DOWN!!!  GET DOOOOOOWN!!!"
 
"Yup, he's climbing back up.  I told you so."
 
"If it bothers you so much, go get him.  It's not my problem."
 
"Great.  Well, now the floor is really clean.  So is Ping."
 
"Where's Puma?"
 
"PUUUMMMAAA!!!"
 
"She's in the hole in the drywall!"
 
"Not my problem.  She's only got 16 inches in there between the studs.
Can she hurt the wall any more than it's already hurt?"
 
"Ping., you *&^&!  "
 
GET DOWN !
GET DOWN !
GET DOWN !
 
Alexandra in MA
[Posted in FML issue 4878]