Condolences to those with lost, sick, or angeled Christmas Tree
Undecorators...
 
Here are some (admittedly different!) ways to tell how old a ferret
may be:
 
1) Watch them carefully to see if they go to bars and get served.  Most
   fert bartenders can tell if another fert is old enough to drink.
 
2) When the fert is sleeping, sneak a peek at their "Drive Your Hooman
   Crazy!" license.  You'll have to decode the info, though.
 
3) Check local high schools to see if there are any transcripts stating
   proof of age.  Hey, ya never know!
 
4) Strap them to a chair, shine a bright light in their face and ask them
   "How old are you?  Vee haf vays to make you talk!"
 
5) See if they blush or giggle when an "R" rated movie is playing on the
   television.
 
6) Listen to what music they listen to on the radio.  Though this isn't
   always indicative of age, it can help.
 
7) Make a long-distance call to their mom.  Sometimes they remember when
   the kit was born...sometimes not.  Mom-ferts tend to get senile in a
   relatively short period of time.
 
8) Radio-Carbon (Carbon-13) dating.  If they are dating carbon, or
   anything that is aged 13, then they are really old.
 
9) Check all of their hidey-holes to see if they've got a walker stashed
   in there somewhere.
 
10) Look for signs of Social Security checks being deposited without your
    knowledge.
 
11) After they've gone to sleep, check nearby for a glass with dentures
    in it.
 
12) Check to see if they play the state lottery every day.  Though this
    also may not prove age, at least if they hit the lottery, it won't
    matter *how* old they are!  :)
 
Todd and the Fuzzbutt Rodeo Clowns!
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[Posted in FML issue 3594]