Q: "Mr. Bobyou said if I wrote you would tell me [on the FML] why you
    love ferrets so much." [9-year-old female correspondent]
 
A: So I did!  Ok, here you go... oh, just call me Bob.  Save the misters
for your teachers and other people you don't like.  (If you send me
your address, I'll send you those postcards I promised that show giant
ferrets, and me riding one like a horse.  I think you just forgot, or
maybe were afraid to remind me, but it is ok.  Just send it to my email
address, not here on the FML, alright?).  Now, I told you I would talk
to you on the FML, right?  That means you have to play with your ferrets
for at least an hour a day!  Don't forget--a deal is a deal!
 
Why I LOVE Ferrets
 
I love ferrets because they don't care if I called them a name or got
mad at them; they will always want to play with me.
 
I love ferrets because they remind me of a tiny version of Falkor, the
Luck Dragon in the Neverending Story (which is why I think ferrets can
fly, but only when I am not looking).
 
I love ferrets because even though I am so much larger than they are,
they don't tease me after they win a wrestling match.
 
I love ferrets because they hide my stinky socks so I don't have to wash
them.
 
I love ferrets because they won't ditch me for a chance to play on the
X-Box -- play in a cardboard box, yes, but not on the X-box.
 
I love ferrets because they look funny when they walk across the room
with my underwear on their head.
 
I love ferrets because my stinky breath and my killer poofs only seem
to fascinate them.
 
I love ferrets because they can fall asleep in my jacket pocket, and
they are cute when they only poke their nose out when I walk around.
 
I love ferrets because the naughtiest devil ferret can be the sweetest
angel ferret, even if it is only when they are asleep.
 
I love ferrets because if I forget to do my homework at night, I can get
them to poop on the worksheet in the morning and no teacher would argue
with that.
 
I love ferrets because they would bite Schwarzenegger if they could (but
not hard enough to make the little baby governor bleed).
 
I love ferrets because they can hold my finger in their paws like a
naughty monkey.
 
I love ferrets because they get the cutest little squinty eyes when they
go potty.
 
I love ferrets because if I leave my room a mess, I can blame it on the
ferrets and everyone will believe me.
 
I love ferrets because they sometimes sleep with just the tip of their
tongues sticking out.
 
I love ferrets because no matter what time it is, to them it's PARTY
TIME!
 
I love ferrets because they can sleep like a pretzel.
 
I love ferrets because they smell better the longer they go without a
bath.
 
I love ferrets because it is really cool to be able to flop them around
without waking them up when they are deep asleep.
 
I love ferrets because no matter how tall I am, they still think they
are a big as me.
 
I love ferrets because it helps me to fall asleep when they are sleeping
on my lap.
 
I love ferrets because they think you are pretty cool, just like I do.
 
Bob C  [log in to unmask]
 
"A dried-up old man, with the stature of a boy of twelve, was tottering
about like one out of his mind, in rumpled clothes of old moleskin,
showing recent contact with bedding, his ferret eyes, blinking in the
sunlight of the snowy boat, as imbecilely eager, and, at intervals,
coughing, he peered hither and thither as if in alarmed search for his
nurse."  ~ Herman Melville 1957 The Confidence-Man.
[Posted in FML issue 4879]