How To Wrap Christmas Presents With Ferrets
 
1. Gather presents, boxes, paper, etc.  in middle of living room floor.
 
2. Get tape back from ferret.
 
3. Remove scissors from ferret's mouth.
 
4. Open box.
 
5. Take ferret out of box.
 
6. Remove tape from ferret's mouth.
 
7. Take scissors away from ferret.
 
8. Put present in box.
 
9. Remove present from ferret's mouth.
 
10. Put back in box after removing ferret from box.
 
11. Take scissors from ferret & sit on them.
 
12. Remove ferret from box & put on lid.
 
13. Take tape away from ferret.
 
14. Unroll paper.
 
15. Take ferret OFF box.
 
16. Cut paper being careful not to cut ferret's foot or nose that is
    getting in the way as it "helps".
 
17. Let ferret tear remaining paper.
 
18. Take ferret off box.
 
19. Wrap paper around box.
 
20. Remove ferret from box & take wrapping paper=A0 from its mouth.
 
21. Take scissors away from ferret.
 
22. Take tape ferret is holding.
 
23. Quickly tape one spot before taking scissors from ferret & sit on
    them again.
 
24. Fend off ferret trying to steal tape & tape another spot.
 
25. Take bow from ferret.
 
26. Go get roll of wrapping paper ferret ran off with.
 
27. Take scissors from ferret who took them when you got up.
 
28. Remove ferret from present & hurriedly slap tape on to hold the paper.
 
29. Take now soggy bow from ferret & tape on since the sticky stuff no
    longer sticks.
 
30. Take pen from ferret, address tag & affix while ferret tries to eat
    pen.
 
31. Grab present before ferret opens it & put it away.
 
32. Clean up mess ferret & ferret made playing tug-of-war with remnants
    of wrapping paper.
 
33. Put away rest of wrapping supplies & tell ferret what good
    helpers they are.
[Posted in FML issue 3263]