Q: "You seem to have such a positive attitude about FML flamers....Do you
    have any sage advice [to improve FML relationships]?"
 
A:
1. Never forget you are just as pathetic as everyone else on the FML.
   I AM serious.
2. Always remember a joke is a joke is a joke; try reading between the
   lines in Air Force UFO reports.
3. Words cannot harm your reputation as much as your own anger.
4. Only the slow and unimaginative want to live in a homogeneous world
   where everyone thinks like themselves.
5. If you think their argument was stupid, come back in a year and read
   yours.
6. Accept the fact that some people just don't like you.  Shocking, but
   true.
7. Debate isn't CALLING someone a worthless liar with an exaggerated ego
   with innuendo; debate is IMPLYING it with facts.
8. Often, the loudest and most sincere complaints are made by the worst
   offenders.
9. If you don't want to be called stupid, stop acting that way!
10. A skunk smells its own stink first.  A sad pathetic skunk blames it on
    other people.  A stupid skunk thinks they don't stink.
11. Just because you can post on the FML doesn't mean you are intelligent.
12. If you think a beautiful young woman scorned is trouble, try a homely
    old woman not even considered.
 
No, I don't have any real advice to FML people about internet arguing.
People insist on perceiving insult where none is intended and attempt to
force compliance to standards others don't share.  The only advice I have
is to blow it off and laugh at the silliness.  Or, you can do what *I*
do; just pretend the FML is one big zoo and all the members are various
animals.  Like, some FML members are big male gorillas, bluffing
challengers.  Others are like turtles, just plodding around and never
getting anywhere.  There are parrots, repeating without thought, silly
monkeys screaming at the top of their lungs about nothing of importance,
brainless pigeons spreading their poop all over the place, and even the
very occasional pathetic carrion-eating buzzard who would eat their own
liver if they thought it might bother someone they hated.  Me?  I'm the
giggling chimp scratching his butt in the corner.  Oo oo OooooooOooo!
(Some of my comments must make Bill's eyes roll in his head like odometer
numbers in my car!)
 
Q: "...what is the funniest thing your ferrets have ever done?"
 
A: Come home with me. Oh, sorry; you meant "funny -ha ha."
 
They are just so comical.  Mickey Moose did something the other day that
still has me chuckling.  He wanted to play, but I was busy offending people
with sad pathetic jokes and was ignoring him.  He stood on my foot, but I
ignored him.  He climbed up my leg, but I just sat him down beside me.  He
tried to climb into my lap, but I just put him in the toy box.  Again and
again, he tried to get me to play with him.  Finally, I felt a bump on my
ankle, looked down, and saw him lying on him back, legs in the air.  He was
playing dead!  I watched for a while, and he would stand up, beg, then fall
over dead just like I taught him!  What could I do?  I HAD to pick him up
and play with him for a while.  Offending can wait when ferret play is at
hand.
 
Q: "How did you learn so much about ferrets?"
 
A: I didn't.  I just make it all up.  So what does that say about the
   people who read my posts?
 
There are quite a number of ways to learn.  You can read everything you can
get your hands on about ferrets.  You can get a bunch of ferrets and watch
them all the time.  You can learn about similar species.  You can just ask
a lot of questions.  Or you can do all of the above.  In fact, the more sad
and pathetic your life is, the more time you have to do all the above.  So
what does that say about me?
 
In truth, I am still learning.  I don' t think a day goes by without my
learning something new or gaining some new insight about ferrets.  For
example, it dawned on me during my last trip that one (of many) reason
women like ferrets is because they fill the arm like an infant.  Women hold
them like babies, talk to them like babies, pamper them like babies.  I've
even seen women BURP ferrets like babies.  I've always known that, but
the idea that ferrets fit on the arm like a baby (that is, they are baby
length) was a new one.  I noticed it when I saw a woman holding and ROCKING
her baby, eh, ferret, in her arms while cooing at it.  I was frightened.
 
Bob C and 16 Mo' Burpin' 'n Bumping Ferts
[Posted in FML issue 3014]