to the tune of many old blues songs...
 
O I went to see the doctor
I was feelin lowdown & mean
He looked me up & down & said
Another pet is what you need
    I got Ramon, I got Ramon
    I got another little ferret
    to scamper round my happy home
I fell in love at first sight
He threw me for a loop
I'd give my heart & soul to him
if he just knew where to poop
    O Ramon, O Ramon
    Poops all over my happy home
That ferret he's so handsome
He's so good lookin, he's so fine
But I don't think he'd wear that mask
if he didn't have somethin to hide
    O Ramon, O Ramon
My ferret treats me evil
Treats me evil all the time
He poops right on the carpet
Just to drive me out of my mind
    O Ramon, O Ramon
    Poop all over my happy home
That ferret treats me evil
Treats me like I'm his wench
But when I am away from him
I miss his little stench
    O Ramon
He trashed my favorite houseplant
Makes my hounddog cringe & cry
He poops whereever he does please
I'm goin out of my mind
    O Ramon, O Ramon,
    Gonna trash my happy home
He kisses me so sweetly
& he whispers in my ear
Then I hear a crash from the very top shelf
How did he get up there?!
    O Ramon
O he don't care for corners
& boxes ain't his style
He won't step in kitty litter
Sanitation's become a trial
    O Ramon
I never catch him in the act
he's a secret agent spy
So how am I gonna teach him
He's drivin me out of my mind...
[Posted in FML issue 2537]