Hello Ferret gurus,
 
I told you!  I told you!  Five is an odd number especially when it comes to
ferret math (I'm going to come back to this "Ferret math" thing.).  I knew
it wouldn't be long before I heard those popular words normally associated
with cake, candy, pie and ferrets "What's one more".
 
It started out on the Friday before Easter.  Nita (wife) and I had the day
off.  This was the day we had chosen to take our two sons to the annual
photo opp.  with the big pink guy himself.  Now this bunny thing is usually
done at the local mall.  As with most malls, they are surrounded by other
businesses including "PET ST$$$S".  I used to love going into those stores
before they started carrying ferrets.  Now don't get me wrong, I love
ferrets, but it seems like we can't go into pet store without leaving with
one and I don't have to remind you what happened the last time we stopped in
(hence #5).  To prevent this from happening again, I drove and informed
everyone "We will not be stopping at the pet stores" only to have my
youngest son (5) respond "Can we go to TOYS-R-US".  I think he knows where
every TOYS-R-US is in the Dayton area and how to get there, but that's
another story.
 
Now a few weeks earlier my oldest son informed us that a girl at school had
gotten a ferret from the same mall.  This had to be a mistake.  She must
have been talking about one of the local stores.  Because according to my
wife there are no pet stores in the mall.  And believe me my wife is an
expert when it comes to shopping at the mall.  Heck she's an expert at
everything, just ask her (Sorry hun!  It was too easy :-) ).
 
After arriving at the mall I decided to get a mall map to help us locate our
Easter friend.  I opened the map, "OK here's the Easter Bunny right near the
" BAM!!  there in bold letters "Pet Store".  It wouldn't have been any more
apparent if they would have had speakers yelling those two awful words out.
How convenient that they put #@!!  Easter Bunny near a @##! pet store.
 
"Here kids get your picture taken with the bunny and have your parents
buy you one to take home!"
 
And what was my wife's response? "Ho! It's on the second floor. I
never go up there." I'm guessing they put all the good stores on the
first level or traversing some stairs might take away precious
shopping energy! Let me tell you something, I could feel my wallet
getting significantly lighter. Not only was it a pet store, but it was
a mall pet store $$$.
 
Now we patiently waited in line for about 20 minutes to get what was
sure to be a glorious $7 Polaroid picture of our handsome sons. After
what seemed to last only 15 seconds of preparation and flash (I think
a record) we were headed to the pet store. This placed was packed with
wall to wall customers! Obviously the malls marketing strategy worked.
 
We passed the rabbits, the guinea pigs, the parrot and the gerbils.
 
But what to our wandering eyes should appear, but five caged ferrets
with a round sphere.
 
One immediately caught our attention.  He was playful and just had this kind
of magnetic quality.  He was a MF dark sable with white stripe around his
muzzle and a black nose.  We bonded as soon as I put my hand into the cage.
They all came to me for attention, but this one ran up my arm and looked at
me to as if to say "I'm going home with you buddy".  I have to admit I also
wanted to take him home.  After spending better than an hour playing with
each one, approximately $200.00 for our new ferret named "Rigby" and other
goodies we were headed home.
 
Back to this ferret math thing.  I've heard this mentioned time and time
again but have yet to see any formal formulas for determining the
probability of purchasing a new ferret in the near future.  I felt it was
necessary to come up with one.
 
Since emotional variables are difficult to formulate it was my intent to
produce a formula that is both realistic and easy to calculate.  A great
many things could be added and effect this formula since it is not exact in
nature.
 
C = Cost factor (1=low, 2=mid, 3=high)
F = Financial factor (1=bad, 2=ok, 3=great)
v = available ferrets in the area (0=no, 1= yes)
a = Number of family members who approve (not including yourself)
d = Number of family members who disapprove
p = Persuasion factor (How easy you can persuade someone) (1=high, 2=low)
q = Odd number quotient (Do the number of f you own 1=even, 2=odd)
y = Number ferrets you own
l = How many ferrets will fit in the current living quarters?
 
n =e(F/C)(a-(d/p))(q+(l-y)
 
Ferret new ownership percentage (n*10)
 
Have a great weekend!
Jerry, Nita, 2 boys and six ferrets
[Posted in FML issue 2281]