Kat wrote:
>p.s...i will keep my ideals to myself in the future...i do not want to
>risk hurting yet more people...
 
Kat, you are responsible for what you write but not for how people read
it if the writing is reasonably done.  I think that everyone knows that
there are multiple ways to read some phrases and that there is always the
possibility of misreading, even when those variants aren't understood at
first, so it IS possible for miscommunications or misinterpretations to
be cleared up if people just allow that helpful resolution to happen.
 
In Critical Analysis there is the old puzzle of "If a tree falls in the
forest, but no living being with hearing is there to hear it, is there a
sound?"  Now, we could go back and forth for WEEKS on this question, OR
we could cut to the chase with one very simple question, "How do you
define sound in your question?"  THEN we get to find out if the person is
referring to the waves themselves or to a being's modification of those
waves into a sensory interpretation using hearing.
 
Miscommunications are a part of life.  Steve and I just had one that
for a few minutes was quite emotional.  The reason is that Sherman hurt
himself this morning with a really freak cage accident and we were
miscommunicating about severity of injury and related factors for the
vet appointment.  Once we took a few deep breaths and started over it
got all straightened out.  More than a few times people on line need to
take a few deep breaths and need to give the people on the other end the
benefit of the doubt because they, too, may be taking deep breaths.  The
FML is going on 16 years old, and our marriage is 24 years old (with
more than a year's engagement before that, too.  Yet, so many of us
here, as in our marriages have "put up" (LOL!) with each other with love,
friendship, and growing appreciation for year after year after year, and
that includes having had misunderstandings and arguments.  Handled
considerately enough those can even strengthen a relationship if they
aren't too forceful, too emotional, or too often for either party.
 
There also are simply words and phrases on which we will always have a
variety of interpretations, so we all just have to accept that instead of
thinking that only one will do.  It is fine to clarify WHICH definition
is being used at the time by asking, but assuming that one definition has
to be settled on simply isn't going to work in a forum which is the size
of a small town.
 
Honestly, an awful lot of the arguments which happen on-line could be
avoided with polite inquiries for clarification, with just understanding
that interpretations and definitions are going to vary, and with
understanding that both writing badly and misreading happen all of the
time to and by every single one of us.  It is because such gentle
precautions are taken most of the time that there are not more arguments
than there are already.
 
So, don't be afraid to speak, and don't be afraid to listen.  Neither is
always easy, but both are usually beneficial.
 
[Moderator's note: Kat pointed out to me privately that she wrote
"keep my ideals to myself" (i.e. ideaLs, not ideas).  I did notice that
and thought it was a typo -- "ideaLs" didn't make sense to me -- but my
comment still stands.  I encourage either either to be shared!  [BIG]
[Posted in FML issue 4547]