>Steve and I have been here since before it began, which makes sense if
>you realize we were among those who discussed what would be needed and
>wanted beforehand.
 
>Similar approaches to grief have appeared on and off for the list
>lifetime of 15 years +, though the individual who puts the work into the
>"Sandee" responses has done so longer and more consistently than anyone
>else, which really can't be easy.
 
That wasn't clear, was it?  What we have been part of since before it
began (and consistently throughout) is the FML.
 
Yesterday wasn't exactly a good day for expressing myself clearly, and
today I am a bit sore from the inflammation still but breathing, so what
the heck...
 
Oh, and for those who don't know: even before he became the moderator
(back in the years of Chris Lewis), Bill Gruber provided the anonymity
option so that those is FFZs could be protected, so being the longer
of the two moderators, with the larger list size range, he also was a
volunteer for the FML even earlier.  Thanks, Bill!
 
A note on Sandee.  I don't believe in the Rainbow Bridge, but I know that
Sandee has helped me.  The ferret most recently lost here was Warp.  The
day afterward, Sevie developed Level 3 Heart Block and I had to put all
of my energy toward helping her, but I had a lot of grief bottled inside.
When the Sandee column with Warp came out I remembered Warp when she was
in all of her vigor -- just like exchanging life stories in a wake does
that to help mourners -- and the result was that I was able both to
celebrate Warp's life and to cry for her loss.  That was a very sweet
gift to give to me, and I know that others have also been helped.  This
has been a year with a lot of grief here: Steve's Uncle Richard, Frank
who was mine, Jumpstart, Warp.  We almost lost Steve's dad a few time and
an aunt of mine once.  Seven's condition is a terminal one.  As many know
I lost my mother long ago, and we've suffered other losses.  It is not
unusual in the grieving process to need someone to remind you of the days
when the lost loved one was healthy, to take your mind from the sheer
loss to rejoicing in the life shared, and it is also not unusual to need
someone else to help start the tears.  Tears which come easily for far
lesser things sometimes just can't find their way for the large hurts in
life.  Providing these forms of help is a very great kindness.  Thanks,
Sandee.
 
I am always somewhat in awe of people who are good at helping others
mourn.  It's always been something I find very hard and I tend to feel
like I am standing on my tongue and have iron arms when I try.  Being
able to do it requires a very special person, and i do admire someone who
cares, who tries, and who does it well enough that so many are helped.
 
Ultimately, what is important is not where a person provides help to
others and not whom a person chooses to love, but that the person does
provide help and does give love.
[Posted in FML issue 3907]