You know you're a fertbum....
 
71. If the last sexually attractive guy you held was a stinking hob.
72. If you think primitive art is a dried ferret poopie shaped like a
    pretzel.
73. If your living room looks like a child's day care center and you have
    no children.
74. If you have ever chewed food for a ferret.
75. If you have ever purchased an extra large bra to give rides.
76. If your ferrets have individual nicknames for your toes.
77. If you are late to work at least once a week because of "misplaced"
    car keys.
78. It you have purchased new furniture to match your "spotted carpet"
    motif.
79. If you have ever asked your spouse to bite you on the neck and drag
    you around.
80. If your emergency phone number list includes more than one vet.
81. If you own more dryer hose than Ace Hardware.
82. If you have ever briefly considered your neighbor's howling cat a
    "food supplement."
83. If your idea of a fun night out includes at stop at Petco.
84. If you have ever spent a week trying to figure out if anyone on
    alt.pets.ferrets ever talks about ferrets.
85. If you think a ferret attacking your plush bunny slippers is really
    cute.
86. If your boss warns you to never say "I'll ferret out the problem"
    again.
87. If you brag about your girlfriend's kisses to the boys, but never tell
    them she has four feet and is only 6 inches tall.
88. If you have more than one pet carrier in your bathtub.
89. If your agreement to go on a second date is dependent on your ferret's
    opinion.
90. If your toilet has a sign, "Close the lid or lose the kid."
91. If there are tiny tooth marks in your toothpaste tube.
92. If you have ever convinced your landlord that the spot was there BEFORE
    you moved in.
93. If you have ever gone without lunch to buy a "Ferret X-ing" sign.
94. If you have ever been thankful that all you found in your soup was a
    ferret hair.
95. If you have ever told your sick spouse to "get over it" but hand fed
    your ferret because of a cold.
96. If you wear a ribbon-shaped poopie on your lapel "for the Californian
    ferrets."
97. If you have ever prowled the hardware store looking for adhesives to
    keep a silly hat on your ferrets' head.
98. If people have ever stared at you for doing a war dance.
99. If your bathroom decor includes miniature bathtub ramps.
100. If your friends introduce you to their children and you pull their
     ears looking for a tattoo.
 
Bob C and 16 Mo' Fertbums of Missouri
[Posted in FML issue 3023]