Last week I decided the frontroom furniture was getting, lets say somewhat
"used." With four teens, 13 ferrets, and a satanic cat, a few of the things
had seen better days.  So we decided to replace the TV hutch, a bookshelf,
and the big soft chair that now sported three additional holes in the seat
support area, all made by Tori and the Buddy/Foster duo, resulting in one's
butt almost dragging the floor while in the TV watching position.  I liked
it- it made it easier for watching the news with my eyes closed...  but I
was outvoted.  There was also some mention of ode de ferret overpowering the
ode de bob.
 
Well, as the old stuff was being carted out, I cut open the chair, and
discovered my lost watch, two sets of file cabinet keys, my "bone looker" (a
magnifier that attaches to glasses), half a donut covered with green stuff,
six peanuts still in the shells, several well chewed toys, and a lot of
shredded napkins.  I mean a lot.  The trash man just stared as if I was a
nut or something, so I told him I left them there for "safekeeping."
 
As the new stuff came in, I got out the power tools (ANY excuse you know)
and proceeded to Tim Taylor the new TV hutch.  Of course, I had about 10
"Als" assisting, mostly with moving small parts out of my reach.  Still,
power prevailed, and I managed to drill holes in almost every board for my
special anti-ferret wiring project.  First, I had to replace the VCR and
cablebox power cords that had become strangely chewed; I dunno...maybe by
the cat?  Yeah right.  I decided the best thing to do was ferret proof the
back, drill holes for all power and cables straight down through the bottom
(out of chewing access) and directly through the floor into the basement,
where they would be attached to their appropriate plugs.
 
I loved it.  Measuring, drilling, cutting, more drilling.  Everything went
as planned, I wired the hutch, soldered the connections, then powerstapled a
sheet of 1/4 inch masonite to the back.  "Nothing will get in here," I
thought, as the last staple sunk through the masonite into the oak.  I sat
back in the new chair, also ferret-proofed with masonite, and click the TV
power controller.  Nothing.  I ran to the basement, checked all my power
cables, and ran back.  Click--nothing.  I looked through each shelf,
checking the back of each electronic dodad and its cable.  Everything
checked out.  The only place I couldn't check was the spot where all the
cables went through the bottom and the floor, and that area was sealed from
the ferrets, front and back.  I couldn't access the front, but I could tear
off the masonite to get to the rear, so I did.
 
First, I pushed 300 lbs of heavy oak away from the wall, then I pulled out
each staple from the masonite, managing to tear the stuff several times.
Finally, the back was off, and I dragged it away.  On my hands and knees, I
crawled behind the thing to see what was wrong.  In the beam of my tiny
penlight, I saw a pair of eyes staring back, then something licked the end
of my nose.  Somehow, Gus had sneaked into the back prior to my staple job,
and took up residence.  He must not have liked the surge protection, so he
bit the main power switch, turning everything off.  The SO thinks he was
signalling us to let him out, but I think he could have easily transported
out the same way he got in.  I carefully looked before I stapled--Scotty
MUST be to blame.
 
When I reinstalled the back, I added a removable panel to access the main
power switch (or so I told people--its actually there to remove transported
ferrets.)
 
I thought I would share a trick that seems to work wonders on keeping the
beasties from pooping on the carpet.  This actually works, and has slowed
down the number of mistakes tremendously.  We use fabric softener.  We
change and wash the ferret bedding daily, and use downy fabric softener
routinely.  We also use a carpet cleaner once a week in the more troublesome
areas.  I suggested we add fabric softener to the carpet-cleaner rinse-water
to see if the ferrets associated the smell to bedding.  Immediately, the
mistakes slowed from 10 to 15 per day to only one or two.  I then suggested
we add a more powerful smell to the bedding and the carpet cleaner to see if
it made even more of a difference, and it worked even better (we add
vanilla).  After several weeks, the fuzzies associate the carpet with
bedding, and made more of an effort to find the litter boxes.  Mistakes are
still occasionally made, but far less.  Of course, now the rug weasels want
to sleep in my box of 'Nilla Wafers.
 
Bob and the 13 Green Donut Hiders
[Posted in FML issue 1477]