I have over 200 socks, but only have three pairs that I can find.
 
I have 5 drawers in my dresser, but can only use two.
 
Wash day means an extra load for clothing I don't even wear.
 
My house is neat, but I have empty plastic bags in living room and bits of
kibble on the kitchen floor.
 
No amount of 'air freshener' really 'freshens' the air.
 
I hear stuff crashing and falling at 4:00 am, but don't have ghosts in my
house.
 
There are only two of us, yet our king size bed is 'overfull'.
 
We don't have any leaks in the plumbing, yet I occasionally step in a small
puddle.
 
We buy baby food (Heinz Chicken Brooth) by the case, but have no children.
 
We think we are normal, but our friends think we are weird.
 
My wife asked what I've done all day when she comes home because the house
is exactly the way it was when she went to work.  When I say I've been
trying to get it that way all day she gives me dirty looks.
 
Who am I that reads this fml everyday ?
[Posted in FML issue 2445]