I always wanted to say that on the FML!  To bad I'm talking about ferrets.
As a result of the recent "baby-biting" incident, as well as a number of
posts (including my own), I have recieved a dozen emails asking me to
address the issue.  Ok, the address is The Dishonorable Pete "The Weasel"
Wilson, Dept. of Flushing and Gestapo, POB 666, Suckramento, CaCa Land.
 
Seriously, I understand a FAQ exists on biting, and I suggest you consult
it.  But I want to say up front, there are two types of biters; Play Biters
and Fear Biters.  Once you have met them, you know exactly what I am talking
about.  The play biter is almost always a ferret that plays a little to
hard, or has learned a strong nip will get it what it wants.  Those ferrets
are not a problem so long as they don't bite tv camerawimps.  These ferrets
are very easily cured, using a number of techniques, including a light thump
or ear pinch among other things.  Consistent bite training with the very
occasional reenforcement *always* works, and rapidly as well.
 
Then there fear biters.  Fear biters are ferrets that do a bit more than nip
in play; they bite out of terror.  Those bites are instantly recognized from
the other, usually because they are accompanied by liberal amounts of liquid
red stuff and loud bellowing noises.  These ferrets are simply afraid, and
they use the natural equivalent of a handgun to protect themselves; those
wonderful white canines.  The deepest a fear biter can sink one of those
fangs into your arm is about a centimeter, but it is usually less because
the tooth has met the resistence of a finger bone which stops it.  Fingers
are very vascular because of all the sensory nerves, so they bleed like the
Mississippi River in spring.  That is good, because it not only gets you
lots of sympathy, but it also cleans out the wound.  But the wounds are
rarely serious, provided you don't jump all over the room, forcing the
ferret to hang on for dear life while accidentally getting the fang to rip
out your nervous system by the roots.
 
Fear biters will sometimes hang on.  Usually, placing the ferret's feet on
the floor and releasing it will allow it the chance to take off for safer
ground.  This almost always works, provided the ferret thinks it is getting
away, so don't set it down within a group of people.  There is the
occasional ferret that is too afraid to let go, and pouring a slight amount
of ferretone on its nose will work because it will let go to lick its nose.
I have never personally seen it go farther than that, but, as a last resort,
submerging the ferret's head in water can work because the ferret will
release to come up for air.  If you lack ferretone and don't have water, you
can use your other thumb to pry open the jaw, hooking your nail over the
tiny front teeth (incisors), but you run the risk of getting that appendage
perforated.  Usually it just makes the ferret bite all the harder.  Its not
recommended except as the *LAST* resort.  Using an ice cream stick or small
dowel is much safer than the thumb, and the wood don't hurt the ferret's
teeth.  (The *extreme* last resort is amputation.  Not the ferret's head
silly, I mean your finger....)
 
But whatever you do, remember the ferret is biting out of fear.  What that
means is, any method that uses pain will only reward you with A) a ferret
that is so fearful it is no longer a ferret, or B) a ferret that just
bites harder and faster and nastier.  Even with blood flowing and finger
throbbing, you must maintain the presence of mind to not harm the ferret nor
scare it anymore than it already is.  As I said, the best trick I've learned
is to just set it on the ground and let it go, and it will almost always
take off to hide.  I then let it settle down and start over, that is once
the antiseptic has dried and the bandaids stick to my tattered flesh.
 
It is important to understand that if you get bit by a fear biter, it is
*YOUR* fault, not the ferret's.  The bite is out of fear, and the ferret is
biting because it is afraid, which means you scared it; you may not have
intended the fright, but it is still your fault.  (I had to say that last
week when my thumb as latched onto in a particularly nasty style, but its
true).  Fear biters will always stop biting once you have their complete
trust and they feel secure.  To get that trust, you have to reduce the
stress the ferret is experiencing, be loving, tender, gentle, soothing and
above all, patient.  I have ferrets that, when adopted, where considered
severe and horrific biters, yet today not a single one would be seen as
anything more than a loving sweet ferret.  I wore bandaids for more than a
month because of some of them.  But giving them space and love wore down
that fear until they were just another ferret, ready to play and rassel and
poop in the corner.
 
I made the comment that it should be the job of a national organization to
provide fact kits in cases where ferrets might be suspected of biting
someone, and I suggested no one was filling that role.  That is not entirely
true; Pam Troutman of Star Ferrets has such a kit ready to mail off to you
at a moments notice.  I suggest you offer more than the cost of postage for
these kits; the monies are responsibly used to further ferret rights and to
fight the good fight, so throw in some extra.  Of course, I suggest you
always throw in extra to *any* shelter, and you should if you don't
volunteer to clean cages for them!!  Don't wait until you hear of a bite
on the radio; get the kit now, study it, and get the info to the news
organizations BEFORE the event occurs.  Get Pam's kit; I want one!
 
Bob C and 20 MO Play Biters.
[Posted in FML issue 2234]