Hi.  My name is Khaz.  I've just moved from an aquarium full o' ferrets at a
pet store into a full-sized house, and I'm...ooomph...hard at work
reorganizing the place.  There are a bunch of other animals here, notably
two poodles, that I've been training.  The black poodle is turning out to be
a pretty good ferret.  I've already taught him the weasel war dance and how
to burrow under the covers on the bed when it's time for a snooze.  The
white poodle, who mom says is actually called a Bichon, isn't good for much.
He's mostly a couch potato whose main goal in life is to get inside my cage
and eat my food.  Once he gets in, he usually gets stuck, and then there's
this horrendous racket as the poodle tries to back out of the cage, dragging
it across the floor and banging into furniture right and left.  I prefer to
watch from a safe vantage point, like the back of the other poodle.
 
My main purpose in life is to help my mom finish writing her thesis.  Boy,
was it a mess when I got here!  The pages were all in the wrong order, but I
fixed that.  Another useful thing I've done is to reprogram the keyboard
with some handy ferret macros (e.g.  423nio few;l).  There's a cat that
sleeps on top of the monitor.  I reach up and give it a nip now and then to
keep it from overheating.
 
The guy at the pet store sold mom a big ol' used rabbit cage for cheap.  She
spent a lot of time scrubbing old rabbit pooh off it (yep, I helped).  Then
she got some tasteful linoleum tiles to cover the mesh floor -- great for
skidding across.  Unfortunately for her (and for progress on her thesis),
she then discovered Ferret Central and blew off several successive nights
reading all the ferret home pages on the entire web.  Now she knows that
ferrets don't belong in cages, so I only go there to use the litter box (and
chase the poodle out).  Mom had another ferret long ago, so she knows about
ferret-proofing.  The night before I moved in (another night where no
progress was made on the thesis), she spent on the floor with a drill
repairing cabinet latches and wrapping the bottom of the refrigerator with
hardware cloth so I can look in but, I have to say, not get in, despite my
best efforts.  All ferrets are wannabe refrigerator repair-persons, you
know.  Anyway, mom discovered yesterday that you can buy shiny new rabbit
cages plenty cheap at the feed supply store.  Hahaha, she sure is learning a
lot from me.
 
We had our first big winter storm recently.  Mom knew (from reading other
ferret home pages) that I'd want to go out to play.  She borrowed one of
those flexi-leashes the poodles use.  It works great!  I could run all over
the place, burrowing and digging, and all mom had to do was stand there and
shiver.  It took a little work, but I managed to locate the garden under all
that snow, and got an early start on the roto-tilling.
 
Well, gotta go.  Time for another poodle lesson.  Mom says they're only
visitors, so all my hard work will go to benefit whatever ferrets have to
live with them whenever they go back to their own home.  I have another dog
here, but she's bigger and mellower and much less ferret-like.  By the way,
the cat here did pork up abruptly in October, so maybe it is going to be a
hard winter.  Who cares?  I'm the QUEEN!  I get all the blankets!
 
-- Yakobi (dog) "What the hell is that?"
-- Sockeye (cat) "Damn if I know.  Ouch!"
-- Kim (person) "Doggone it, where's page 7?"
-- Khaz (ferret) "If I...oomph...pull a little harder I just know I can
get this rug into my cage."
 
PS If there are any other Missoula, Montana ferrets on this list, give us
a dook.
[Posted in FML issue 1761]