Thank you to all who emailed me with thoughts about my little Tasha-girl.
As I told many of you, it helps so much to know that others understand my
grief.
 
It is only today that I can finally think about her without tears.  Of
course, I went through all the what-ifs, tearing myself apart wondering
if it were my fault.  My only consolation is that somehow, of all the
times she could have chosen to go, it was during my visit.
 
When my two boys passed, they were both sick with cancer.  It hurt when
they left, but I knew it was coming.  Booboo died while I was sleeping,
Cael while I was at work, the day I had decided to help him to the
bridge.  I thought it would have been better, easier for me, if I had
been there, with them, to say goodbye.  It hurt me to know they were
alone when they left.
 
Saturday I discovered it is not easier, but it is of some comfort.  I was
not ready for my Tasha to leave me.  Only days before she had been happy
and playful and healthy.  I just wasn't ready.
 
I love my ferrets so very much, and wouldn't trade my time with them for
all the world, but I do not think my heart can stand to go through this
pain too many more times, and I look at my five babies and think I may
not open my heart to any more.  Too many pieces of it are already
missing, hidden in some hidey-hole at Rainbow Bridge, and I am beginning
to feel a bit frayed.
 
Sandee, look for my Tashi-Bo.  Tell her I love her.  Help her find Booboo
and Cael.  She never knew Booboo, but Cael was her buddy.  I'm sure the
three of them will get along very well together.
 
A still-sad Melissa Kuzara
Mira, Robin, Nietzsche, Samurai and O'Dell
Missing Booboo, Cael and Tasha always
[Posted in FML issue 3882]