Dear Ferret Folks-

That's it. The end. The alpha and omega of concepts. "Cross-Dressing
Ferret Enthusiast."

Now, would said con-man in yesterday's FML have been in the news if he
(she?) had not been a cross-dresser? I think not. "Fake Vet" is *not*
a sexy enough headline in the climate of today's journalism. Today's
journalists need to have something Paris Hiltonish to lead with in
order to get published. "Sex-Tape" works. Anything in combination with
"Kennedy" works. "Anorexia" is good. Ditto "Love Child", "Mistress",
or "Suicide."

Now, I am at an age where I am starting to wonder about what kind of
a mark my life is going to leave on the world. My "legacy." At the
moment I haven't made much of a mark on the world at all...maybe a
little divot here and there when I have to be dragged away from
something *stupid* kicking and screaming because I despise ignorant
stupidity and don't handle it well.

I don't have a Sex-Tape. Don't even have a video camera. Don't have
the kind of friends who steal Sex-Tapes and "leak" them for profit. I
don't have any juicy Kennedy connections, except for that one bizzarre
incident years ago when it went around the office that I was engaged to
one of them. Nope. Anorexia? Hell, no. I like eating waaaay too much.
Anorexia involves a severe lack of chocolate in the diet. Not for me.
"Love-Child?" Can't have kids. Tried. Failed. (The world is probably
safer this way.) "Mistress?" I'm 44, way past mistress age. I am
married to a Toy-boy, but the fact that we are married takes some of
the power away from that headline. (Dann is five years younger than I
am. Eat your heart out.) "Suicide?" Well, there is no fun in *that*
headline with regard to one's life. You don't get to read all of the
juicy headlines when you are *dead*.

So that leaves..."Ferret Enthusiast and Columnist to Ferrets Magazine."
OK. That's cool. I *am* a ferret enthusiast, and I do have a happy
working relationship with Ferrets Magazine. But...as a legacy? As the
sum toatal of what I have achieved in my life? I want more. Much more.
Much more media presence.

How about "Cross-Dressing Ferret Enthusiast and Columnist to Ferret
Magazine?" Oh, yeah. Now we're talkin'. "Cross-Dressing Ferret
Enthusiast Was a Frequent Contributor to the (FML) Ferret Mailing
List, One of the Longest-Lived Online Mailing Lists."

Oh yeah. Now we're cookin' with gas.

"Cross-Dressing Ferret Enthusiast Was an Occasional Featured Speaker
at Ferret-Related Confrences." Well I was a featured speaker at *a*
Black-Footed Ferret Confrence...so that works.

OK. "Cross-Dressing Ferret Enthusiast, Columnist to Ferrets Magazine,
Featured Speaker at Ferret Confrences and Long-Standing Member of the
FML With a Toy-Boy."

BINGO!!!!

I'm going to rush out and now and donate all of my skirts and dresses
and pumps and ladies underwear to the Salvation Army. I am going to
*buy* tighty-whities and those little white socks that Tom Crusie
danced with in his tighty-whities. I am going to buy button-down dress
shirts, and men's jeans. Those will fit if I roll the cuffs up. The
"pegged jean" look. I will buy cuff-links, and take hormones. I will
wrap myself flat with Saran Wrap every morning so that nothing...female
is evident. Well, at my age, they are pretty flat anyway. Not National
Geographic flat, but feelin' the irresistable pull of gravity. No doubt
about it, gravity sucks. I will grow a long mustache and wax it into
two improbable curls, like the late surrealist artist Salvadore Dali.
I will smolke cigars.

*Then* watch my presence on Goolge expand exponentially. I'm good for
ten hits now. With the addition of "Cross-Dresser", I'll be good for a
thousand. I will live forever in Cyber-Space.

Alexander in MA

[Posted in FML 6216]