Dear Ferret Folks-
 
I thought I was so clever.  I got in touch with the drug company rep.
who carries the line of foam rubber squeezie prostates that I wrote about
a few weeks back.  He has been saving them up for me, last time he gave
me a box full to bring home.  I thought they'd be great fun at Christmas
with a gold string to hang them by.
 
Did I remember to put the box away in some ferret-proof place?
 
No.
 
Did I let Switch the Kit and Hurricane Lily out to play?
 
Yes.
 
That's why there are squeezie prostates under the sofa.  Beneath the
coffee table.  Under the planter where my african violets live in terror
of Lily.
 
There are squeezie prostates behind my antique radio.
 
There are squeezie prostates behind the dog's chair.
 
Some with their little original plastic slip covers, (deluxe vinyl
carrying case), some without.
 
Many are gnawed.
 
Anyone out there conversant in Klingon?  (tlhIngan pIqaD?) I very much
want to learn how to say squeezie prostate to psychiatrists in Klingon if
I am ever locked up.  The possibility exists.  I am bi-polar, which beats
the heck out of being a polar BEAR (I'd hate eating penguins and weddell
seals.)
 
You see, there is a new trend.
 
Some psychiatric facility in the Pacific Northwest recently advertised
for a Klingon translator.  It seems a surprisingly large number of mental
patients across the country are conversant in Klingon, and they can drive
the shrinks bat s*** by refusing to speak in anything else.
 
I am not making this up.
 
I work a little on my Klingon every day, just in case.  The best I can
come up with so far is "sQw'ISy Pr'aS'Dat" as a transliteration, rather
than "tun moq", soft sphere.  There's just some, well, elan missing from
that translation.  If anyone can help, please e-mail me.  It's just not
enought to tell them " naDev vo' ylghoS!  bljatlh 'e' ylmev.", meaning
"Go away!  Shut up." How about "I have no health insurance?" that would
make them AND their little hired translator go away.
 
Heh.
 
Alexandra in Massachusetts
[Posted in FML issue 4307]