I knew it.  I *knew* it.!
 
I've suspected that an important FLO cell had been reactivated, because
of all the suspicious activity in my home over the last few days.  There
was the computer mouse, on its back, on the floor, at the extreme end of
its cord, with chew marks on the little rubber wheel.  They've been
mailing, again.  Their shredded paper play box has seemed...fuller, and I
found the actual shredding machine that sits over the waste paper basket
in the computer room tipped over, and lying on the floor.  Those two,
Ping ans Puma, have certainly seemed shagged out over the last few days.
They've been sleeping a lot.  They've been up to things.
 
Then, there is Ping's sudden new obsession with food.  Now, he's always
been a food stasher.  Something like a cookie will be dragged beneath
the sofa and aged, for some unfathomable purpose.  Not eaten, but STORED,
as if against a future time of need.  But lately, the things he's been
trying to get his paws on!  Last night I had to physically fight him
for a plastic bag of day-old danish.  He got a corner of the bag in his
teeth, and would not let go.  We played tug-of-war for it on top of the
dining room table (I was not on the table, HE was).  Back and forth, I
pulled, he pulled, I pulled, his little feet slipping and sliding, trying
to get traction.  Finally I lifted the bag two feet off of the table,
and Ping hung there in the air, dangling by his full and considerable
fangage.  I had to shake the bag repeatedly to make him let go.  He fell
back down to the table none too gracefully, and slunk away, pouting.
 
Later, he was at it again.  Same table.  This time, he was going nuts
over a square container of sliced mushrooms from the grocery store.
The whole container was sheathed in clear plastic wrap.  He was trying
to bite his way through the wrap to get at the mushrooms inside.
*Mushrooms* Ferrets don't eat *mushrooms*!  I told him so repeatedly,
but he didn't pay any attention to me.  (He is a man, after all.)
 
I finally worried that he was going to eat plastic and die, so I took
the carton away, unwrapped it, and put it back on the table for him.
By now, my husband had come to join me in watching this bizarre scene.
Ping dug through the big , moist white chips of mushroom, snorkeling his
snout into the middle of the carton until half of his head disappeared.
Finally, he found just the one he wanted, apparently, for he pulled it
out with his teeth, and dropped it on the table.  Then he started
*eating* it with a strange, speculative look on his face.  After a few
moments, he spat the mouthful out, but immediately turned back to the
carton to burrow for another one.  He pulled that one out, and ate a
corner of it, too.  That mouthful he spat out faster.  Then, looking
greatly disappointed, he slunk away to attend to other business.
 
I think he has been provisioning.  Possibly for a large number of
ferrets.  Laying away stores for...what?  An invasion?  A protracted
siege?( My friend Elder Ben, away in Europe for his two year Mission in
the LDS Church would say that Ping had become a Mormon, and was storing
away the mandatory one year supply of food .  Ben can say things like
that because he *is* a Mormon.  Wish I could, it would be funny.  But
no, Ping drinks Coffee, so that can't be the answer.)
 
And PUMA.  Hmm.  The coat on Puma is something else.  I'm starting to
wonder if she is *really* that furry, or if she has one of those "secret
backpacks" that Saraferret says all ferrets carry.  Plus she has been
stashing all of those empty medicine bottles I give her for toys.  She
must have twenty of them.  For *what*?  Secret message containers to be
handed to specially trained carrier pigeons that land on the ledge of
the ferret room window?  I don't know.  Puma ALWAYS looks like she has
a secret.
 
And yesterday, this message from the mustellid terrorist organization
known as the "FLO" , from their spokes ferret, Sanka, officially
re-activating one of their cells.  That is the only name the authorities
have for this elusive and wily character, Sanka.
 
I beg you, Moms and Dads, be on the lookout.  For unexplainable things,
like catalogs from Radio Shack stashed beneath the sofa cushions.  Odd
bits of electrical tape, and has your thermostat been malfunctioning?
There is a MERCURY SWITCH inside the housing of many thermostat wall
controls.  They make excellent triggers for incendiary devices.  Have
batteries been disappearing?  Chew marks on the roll of duct tape?
 
BE AWARE.  I'm upping the HSTL (Hammie Security Threat Level) to orange.
 
Alexandra in Massachusetts
 
Ping: "That's it, ditch the backpack."
Puma: "Everything in there in encoded with a one-time pad cipher keyed
to Ferrets Magazine.  They will learn nothing, nothing!"
[Posted in FML issue 5060]