Hi everyone-I haven't been checking the FML or FHL in a month due to my
crazy schedule and family crises, but I plan on getting back to it-I miss
you all.
 
I haven't been able to bring myself to tell almost anyone yet, but Renate
died on Good Friday.  She has been such a fighter for so long, but that
week she decided she'd had enough and passed away in her sleep in our
incubator at work at all of 278 grams.  Fortunately I was here with her
at work and had been able to spend my entire day off the Thursday before
holding her.
 
She started really getting bad Wednesday night and stopped eating
Thursday, even when I fed her by hand, which she has never refused before,
no matter how much weight she's lost or how bad she's been.  I had to
force-feed her, which broke my heart, in the hope that it would get her
interested again.  She was very lethargic and weak and by Thursday night I
think I knew that despite how many times she's bounced back, Good Friday
would be it.
 
I miss her so much-she became such a big part of my life in such a short
time; I put so much time and energy into her care... I don't know what
to do without her!  The boys still need me, but not like she needed me.
They're a little sad, I think-I brought her home so they could say
goodbye.  We had a bunch of tissue samples sent to the lab and did a
necropsy to try and find out what the definitive diagnoses were in
addition to what we were sure of.  She had an adrenal mass (she was only
2.5 years old!), kidney problems, an insulinoma, a plaque on her lung
among other things, in addition to the wasting disease, etc.  She had
never been stable enough for long enough to do exploratory surgery before.
Still awaiting final labs.
 
I thank all of you from the bottom of my heart for all the kind thoughts
and prayers from the day I took her in to the day she died.  I thank you
for all the medical advice, support, ideas and wisdom.  I especially want
to thank Gail, Dr. Williams, Sharon, Alicia, Sue and all the great FMLers
and FHLers who have offered me extra time and personal words and for those
who offered phone numbers of their own vets for us to talk to, info to
research, protocols to try, etc.  to try and get to the bottom of Renate's
problems.  I'm sure I would leave someone out if I tried to name everyone
who has helped us over these too short months.
 
As much as I miss her and still cry every day, I know she's not suffering
anymore-I think she held on as much for me as anything else, and I think
my fiance may be right when he says she wouldn't have passed away in my
arms, but waited till I left her for a few minutes in the incubator to
make her peace and go.  She wasn't with me for long, but I know she got
the best care she could have and lived another pretty good 5 months
because of the care my vets gave her and the love we provided her.  She
was spoiled rotten as long as she was my girl, and though it was only
five months, she took a big part of my heart with her.  She was definitely
Mommy's pretty girl.
 
I will always, always love and miss her-I see her everywhere!-and I thank
you all again for always being so wonderful.
 
In loving memory of Ren,
 
April, Shawn, Nicodemus, Marley and Finnegan
 
PS  I hope to post some super cute photos I had taken of her about a
month before she died when I have a place to post them-she looks like a
supermodel!
[Posted in FML issue 3748]