THE CONTEST IS NOW CLOSED! VOTING WILL TAKE PLACE!!!
There were 30 entries. All are numbered. Please send your votes, by
NUMBER, to [log in to unmask] by November 15th. Select first, second and
third choices. [Moderator's note: email address is probably STARFERET -
i.e. with ONE "R"... Pam? BIG] For example:
Vote: 34, 83, 75 (1st, 2nd and 3rd places)
I will list the top ten favorites in the December issue of STAR* Ferrets,
and post the top ten list to the FML as a thanksgiving "tribute".
1 August 1995 You know your Ferrets are spoiled when.....
Sharron.! where's my green sweatshirt?.. You know.... the one I LIKE.
Sorry Rick.... Arnie and Tootsie are sleeping in it in the bottom drawer...
....wear the one your mother sent you for Christmas. But Sharron.. I
only like the Green one. So do Arnie and Tootsie.
October 1995 I now wear the one my mom sent me. Arnold and
Tootsie still use "the good one"
2 You know your ferret is spoiled when she uses the "wrong
corner", you pick her up and firmly say no, then continue on to say
"mommy's so sorry Trilly, I didn't mean to yell at you. Here, do you want
some linatone?" <hug, hug, kiss, kiss>
3 You know your ferrets are spoiled when you KNOW they're
gonna poop all over the living room but you leave them out of the cage
anyway because you're gonna be away a couple hours longer than usual and
you don't want them to get bored in the cage.
4 You know your ferret is spoiled when your morning
cereal bowl and his food dish both look the same.
5 "You know your ferrets spoiled when...your first
reaction to being informed you have been exposed to active T.B. at work is
fear that you carried the disease home to them, so you immediately schedule
an appointment to be tested for **their** sake!"
6 You know your ferret is spoiled when..... you are late
for work since one of your ferrets is cuddled under the blankets with you
and you don't want to disturb them.
7 You Know Your Ferrets are Spoiled When............ I
shake the container of halloween candy corn then like magic all six fuzzies
appear right at my feet staring at me.
8 You know your ferret is spoiled when your mother (who now
calls herself the ferrets' grandmother) notices that Abercrombie and Fitch
have been climbing on the Christmas presents and stealing the candy canes
from the bottom of the Christmas tree. To rectify the situation, she moves
the remaining candy canes from the top of the tree (which have remained
untouched) to the bottom so that the ferrets have easier access.
9 YOU KNOW YOUR FERRETS ARE SPOILED WHEN...
You are a starving student and buy your six fuzzies water that has been
bottled out of state because this past summer you heard that Indiana water
is bad for one's health, but the humans (me and my SO) in the household
still drink the toxic tap water.
10 You Know Your Ferrets are Spoiled When ..... You stop
eating dinner so the fuzzy that crawled up into your lap can try it out.
A nightly ritual with Fergie!
11 You know your ferret is spoiled when: Saying "But Mom,
I have a sleeping weasel on my lap!" is an acceptable excuse for an 11 year
old not doing her chores.
12 you know your ferret is spoiled when... she uproots your
plants all over the freshly vacuumed carpet and you run for your camera
because she's so damn cute with the dirt on her face!
13 You know your ferret is spoiled when... you cannot
decided between the lesser of two evils: one, leaving the toilet set down so
your ferret can climb onto the counter and eat the soap; or, two, leaving
the seat up so your ferret can drink from the toilet.
14 You know your ferrets are spoiled when; You lay in bed
shivering in the middle of the night because the ferrets are in, on, and
under the blanket beside you and you can't bring yourself to wake them up.
15 You know your ferrets are spoiled when they no longer
jump up or climb on the furniture, the bathtub, etc.....they just look at
you impatiently and you quickly move to lift them up to wherever they want
to go!
16 You buy your first two babies and during the 1st month
you run the plastic up a min. of $800 and who knows how much since mainly
on FUN stuff for THEM, Grandma makes a 3-tier ferret palace from scratch for
them since you can't find anything around that's nice enough, In 3 months
time the 1st two end up with 6 more brothers and sisters to make a total of
8 so they won't be lonely (or is that just ferret math at work again?), They
have the RARE Poda-Ferret Mommy named Rascal (Cockapoo Doglet) as their 2nd
mommy, They get a mixture of 6 top quality expensive foods (plus ALL the
snacks), You buy foods YOU hate just because the babies love them, Mommy
goes on an unwanted diet so the food money can be used for vaccinations, You
talk Grandma into giving up her $300 air purifier so the babies can breathe
clean air, Mommy lets them burrow into the couch because it is their
favorite sleeping place only to find later that they have done their
"business" inside one arm of it and she now has to purchase a new couch
(which Grandma has to pay for!) "argh", You need milk and the ONLY milk in
the house is the baby's goat's milk argh again, You think the regular ID
tags are just NOT good enough for your kids so you buy 8 sterling/turquoise
necklaces and have them specially engraved, You're willing to be sued and go
to court to teach some BAD ferret owners a much needed lesson and to protect
your 2 disabled babes, You scour at least 20 garage sales EACH weekend for
ferret goodies, You put water bottles and litterboxes on all 3 levels of the
cage just so they don't have to go toooooo far, You are killing yourself
having to tile and litterbox EVERY corner in your home (and in the closet)
ending up with at least 30 litterboxes plus you put carpet protector under
the ENTIRE couch just because you haven't the heart to keep them caged all
the time, AND last but NOT least you spend at least $1800 on a computer
system so you can continue to subscribe to the FML when your fiance leaves
with his and you start your very own ferret club because you have fallen so
TOTALLY in love with these creatures and now feel the need to help protect
ALL of them in existence the best you can plus you figure YOUR fuzzies
desperately need some outside friends and company and ferret shows and fairs
and contests and games and and and and and.....!!!!!!!
17 You know your ferrets are spoiled when... both my
husband and I have TONS of pictures of our fuzzies in the daytimers,
wallets, and around the office desk areas (I even have a stuffed BFF and a
personalized mouse pad). But neither has the spouse's picture anywhere
around.
18 You know your ferret is totally spoiled when: You fix
yourself a bowl of rice krispies with milk and sugar and then your ferret
comes running out to the dining room looking for her bowl. You fix her a
bowl of corn flakes and she does the typical war dance and starts dook,
dook, dooking all over the place until you fix her a bowl of rice krispies.
Prissy didn't like it if I skipped the sugar either. She wanted her own
bowl of rice krispies, complete with milk and sugar. Prissy always got what
she wanted.
19 You know your ferrets are spoiled when... you have
cardboard tubes in your living room instead of a couch.
20 You know your ferret's spoiled when... You reward her
nose-licking by putting her on the cover of Modern Ferret magazine
21 You know your ferrets are spoiled when you are seriously
looking to buy a single family home twice the size of your townhouse just so
THEY (the 7 of them) can have an ENTIRE FLOOR of a
"ferret-friendly-floorplan" to themselves, equipped with a maze of tu
22 You know your ferrets are spoiled when... You spend two
weeks building them a 2 story modular ferret condo complete with ramps to
the second floor and the roof and cover it with carpet and you place it
under a window just so they can climb to the roof an
23 You know your ferrets are spoiled when THEIR bedroom is
bigger than yours and you hire a nanny to play with them everyday because
you feel bad that they have to stay home alone all day while you are at
work.....
24 You know your ferrets are spoiled when..... you use the
phrase "but the ferrets would like it" to get what *you* want.
25 You know your ferret is spoiled when... You lie on the
floor for an hour staring at the ceiling because your ferret has fallen
asleep on your hair.
26 You know your ferrets are spoiled when. . . everybody
has to go in and out the back door only, because the ferret's out in the
living room and you don't want him to accidently get out the front door!
27 You know your ferrets are spoiled when... One of your
little darlings gets out of the house, and you wander around in a full force
hurricane, eight months pregnant,with your husband,(who lost a days pay
because he stayed home from work to help find the little guy), shaking a bag
of food yelling "Hooch", as your neighbors watch you and wonder if you are
going to go into labor because you are so upset!!!
28 You Know Your Ferrets are Spoiled When..... Your vet
knows you well enough to ask if you want to repair your ferret's broken
tooth with a gold crown ... and you actually consider it (even after she
tells you how much it will cost)!
29 You know your ferret is spoiled when ... Upon
demand you allow your fuzz-bean on the bathroom counter because she prefers
her morning drink from the bathroom sink and then learn how to brush your
teeth without spitting because you don't want to interupt her!
30 You know your ferrets are spoiled when they doo-doo on
your unprotected hardwood floors, and even though this activity leaves
permanent stains and it will cost you a fair penny to hire somebody to sand
and polish the wood, you think ferrets are the most wonderful creatures in
the whole, wide world. After all, what is a glossy, honey-colored oak floor
when compared with the warm, brown tones of a sable or the white, silken
brilliance of an albino or the glistening, salt-and-pepper sheen of a silver
mitt or the thick, luxurious splendor of a cinnamon, a butterscotch, a
chocolate, or any other color of ferret on the Earth? A proud mustelid with
indomitable spirit and almond eyes whose ancestors date back to the ancient
Egyptians! While your measly wood floor traces its ancestry to some
50-year-old tree! Ha! This is royalty weire talking about here --
descendants of Tutankhamen and Ramses and Nefertiti and Akhnaten and
Cleopatra! So you, their obedient subject, follow them around with
newspapers, litterboxes, and towels, hoping to discover their favorite potty
places. And while youire doing this, the little darlings hijack your dirty
socks, your smelly insoles, your driveris license and your car keys and hide
them where youill never find them again. But even if you notice this flurry
of movement from the corner of your eye, you canit bear to pry these
treasures out of their mouths because they are having so much FUN hauling
this stuff off the bed, or off the table, and all over their kingdom, which,
of course, is your entire dwelling and you their adoring servant. You watch
with loving eyes as they waddle and run and bounce, powerless to intervene.
As they frolic and jump and do war dances in your face, you become woozy
with laughter. Theyive put a spell on you and you are powerless to resist.
They have their own room, of course, which used to be your room. You
neglect to launder your pajamas, shirts, sweaters and blankets because
theyive turned them into a cozy little bed, burying themselves so deep in
the fabric you can hardly find them. You love the aroma of their musky
scent glands and bury your nose in their fur when theyill let you. You talk
about them all the time and you are outraged when people say bad things
about them. You gaze at them while they sleep, enchanted by their beauty.
No matter how much money you spend on vaccinations, vet bills, harnesses and
cages; toys, dryer hoses, treats and sandboxes; rescue ferrets who need good
homes; special foods made by only a few manufacturers; and Internet accounts
where you can confer with other ferret lovers and guardian-angel vets like
Dr. Williams and Dr. Weiss, you are always on the lookout for more ideas
about how to keep them happy and healthy. You canit sleep if your fuzzbeans
get sick with a sniffle, a cough, or diarrhea. You wake with a start if you
hear them squeal and get up to see if anything is wrong or if theyire just
having a ferretmare. You learn to do things you never imagined, like how to
give subcutaneous hydrations, how to mix medicines with ferret-friendly
substances, and how to check the color and shape of doo-doo. No matter how
expensive the treatment or devastating the loss of one of these glorious
little mustelids, you live for the moments when they fall asleep in your
lap, stand up on two legs and pick raisins from your fingers, kiss your face
and scamper all over you, or turn into a ferret speed bump in the middle of
the floor right where you always walk. In the presence of such beauty,
whois really spoiled here -- your ferrets or you?
[Posted in FML issue 1369]
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