I "lost" my Hopi and Joon on October 7 when somehow, despite being behind
three closed doors, they were let out by some workmen.It's very very true
that psychologically this has been worse than death.  My oldest, Whitman (he
was eight) died at home in his sleep from Myocarditis only six weeks before
Hopi and Joon disappeared.  My girls were almost five years old.
 
I want to describe this to you all, so that you will understand something
and that is: You CANNOT ever be too careful.  Don't do what I did that day
and put the ferrets in the bathroom (where they've been safe before) instead
of in their cage because you think they'll be happier.  If you have
strangers or workmen in your house, do not JUST put the ferrets in their
cage in a safe room: STAY HOME.
 
I wil ltell you some of the details of the guilt and pain I have gone
through, so that this won't happen to you, maybe.  I would only share this
with like-minded ferret folks... and even most ferret folks probably think
I'm nuts.  The truth is, I love and have loved my ferrets more than anyone
in my life.  Maybe that's crazy, but I assure you, it's true.
 
I am alive mainly because Benny and Bean are still here, because of a very
understanding best friend, and because of Triangle Ferret Lovers coming out
and helping me look for Hopi and Joon.  I am not an irresponsible ferret
mom.  I know what diseases to look for, I know what food to give them.  I
have nursed nine ferrets through various illnesses and surgeries..
 
I hope that no one on this list has to go through a disappearance.  I lost
two at the same time.  Somedays, it makes me hate god.  Other times, I just
don't believe in god anymore at all.  I have begged for anything or anyone
else to be taken from me instead, if only to know my girls are safe.  I have
begged god to take me instead, but of course... no answer.  I wonder often
if they are dead, and how it might have happened.  Would they have stayed
together?  Would an animal have killed them before they starved?  Are they
hurt and still alive and wanting me to find them?  Did someone steal them?
Did they hear or see us looking for them?  Are they trapped somewhere?
 
All the neighbors, and I'm guessing a large portion of the county, know
about my girls, since there were several newspaper stories about "us",
including one on the front page.  I called radio stations, police, shelters,
vets, sent out hundreds of email to people in the area.  I talked to about
six animal communicators.  Thirty or so TRIFL people and friends came out
and helped search through the neighborhood and forest.  I got several prank
calls.  I got a few real calls that turned out to be OTHER people's found
ferrets (how cruel and ironic that was.)
 
My error, for which I will never forgive myself, was in not putting them in
the cage that day.  I never do.  They sleep in my extra bedroom.  I still
don't know if the workmen opened the door, or if the girls squeezed under it
when the workers pulled up the adjoining carpet.
 
Whatever the cause, I will probably never see them again.  Joon was the
sweetest creature I've ever known - and I do NOT say that now because she is
gone.  Hopi was a laugh -- much more of a wild woman.  But Joon slept with
me, usually at my feet, but sometimes in the crook of my arm.  She loved
sleeping inside my shirt when I was roaming about the house, too.  She
kissed constantly.  Hopi, on the other hand, was kooky and was the toy
collector and nester.  I hate speaking in past tense about them.
 
It took months for me to feel remotely comfortable leaving the house for any
length of time.  Now I've returned to work (after taking two months off),
but I still check the Hav-A-Heart trap every day.  I'm afraid to turn up the
TV or stereo very loud when I'm home, in case they scratch at the door.
 
Some days I'm more able to cope, because I try to imagine how they were
thinking when they first got out.  They probably loved the adventure.  I
hope they did not suffer, or are not suffering.  But the chances of that...
well...
 
Only days before this happened I was joking with my best friend saying I had
all the love I need, because of her and the ferrets.  I thought at the time
that the worst thing in the world to happen would be to have the ferrets
disappear.  I'm deadly serious about having said that.  It was something I
feared with all my heart.  And then it happened.
 
I don't think I'm strong enough to have ferrets anymore, sadly.  After Benny
and Bean, I just don't think I'll be able to be a ferret mom anymore.  It
hurts too much.  I don't know how other people survive this.  I don't know
how other people have survived worse (like in Spokane.) Things like "The
Rainbow Bridge" don't help now.  They make it worse.
 
Is it worse not knowing?  Most of the time I think it's worse..  but then I
think how horribly they may have died, and I think I prefer not knowing.
But only sometimes.  They were my responsibility and my joy, and I failed.
It's that simple.
 
And not to sound ominous, but if it can happen to me, it can happen to
anyone.  Please be careful.  Nothing is truly ferret proof!
 
                         -Andrea
 --- [log in to unmask] -- http://home.earthlink.net/~moonferret
     Love to all ferrets, especially Benny, Bean, Snoopy and Amos
       and Frito, Kadi, Whitman, Hopi, and Joon... I miss you
                --------   [log in to unmask]
[Posted in FML issue 2219]