Well, I finally made it home, at least for the two weeks anyway.  Then back
out to Ca-Ca land, and up to the NW for a month.  But for the meantime, I'm
in heaven with all sorts of ferts jumping all over me!
 
I was asked how many ferrets own me, and the answer is 14.  Moose, Stella,
Daye, Bear, Tori, Foster, Buddy, Razz, Apollo, Gus, Simon, Nosette,
Balistic, and now Chrys.  Chrys, a form of the Greek for "gold," is the
uncut and stinky fella from California.  He is a butter-n-brown sable; quite
beautiful.  His brother, even lighter in color and way to romantic for his
own good right now, will go to a nice lady in Texas; I was just the freebee
conduit for his transportation east.  Until the hormonal rages subside,
Chrys (and "Tex") are kept away from the other 13 to prevent injury and
lower stresses (they can see and smell, but cannot bite).
 
You don't know how much you miss your owners until you return home and have
them all climb all over you to make sure you smell right.  It was wonderful.
Field work is my life, but that makes life worthwhile.
 
To answer the question, "Who is Bob?" Don't know; been trying to figure that
one out for years, and the failure has left me feeling kind of dejecta
(SIC).  Any clues to who the creep is?
 
About the hair (or "How a minor joke resulted in 12 pieces of e-mail").  Amy
states correctly that human hair has a limited livespan; a quick check of my
references indicate that it grows at an average rate of about 5-6 inches per
year, and lives an average of 2-8 years.  Since Crystal Gayle is a little
over five feet tall, and her hair (at one time) reached her ankles, her hair
would be about 10-12 years old (60 inches divided by 5 to 6 inches per
year).  If hair only lived three years, not only would my ponytail be much
shorter, but Crystal whould have a hair growth-rate of 20 inches a year!
(60 inches divided by 3 years).  While her hair may grow faster than 5-6
inches per year, I doubt if it reaches the tremendous rate of 20 IPY.  It
doesn't matter if hair falls out continuously or all at once; all hair on a
single individual would fall out at about the same length (assuming growth
rate and life span were averaged), so no one would have hair that makes it
past 18 inches or so (6 inches per year times 3 years).  And as you all are
aware, there are tens of thousands of people with hair as long or longer
than Ms. Gayle.  What about ZZ Top, or, God-forbid, deadheads?  (Now that
Garcia is gone, are deadheads dead?  I still listen to the music, but only
when I am dead-tired.)
 
Now before anyone thinks I've really flamed Amy, let me say that we are both
right.  We are just speaking of different things, and from different
perspectives.  Human hairs grow from primary follicles, and like cats and
sheep, are shed continuously.  Ferrets, and most other mammals, have primary
follicles, but also have secondary follicles as well (generally lacking in
primates, but I once had this girlfriend...).  One forms the guard hair, and
the other forms the underfur.  Depending on the species, while both the
guard hair and underfur are subject to periodic shedding or molts, the
lifespan of the different types of follicles can be quite different.
Underfur is generally shed in seasonal or yearly moults, and guard hair is
replaced far more slowly.  There are exceptions, but it is the general case,
and is what occurs in ferrets.  In humans, the primary hairs grow
continuously throughout the life of the follicle, however long that may be;
3 years or twelve.  In virtually all other mammals, the follicle goes into a
rest phase when the genetic length limit is reached, and the hair no longer
grows although the root is still alive.  That is what I was in referring to;
not the growth rate of the follicle.  Lots of things can change the growth
rate of either type of follicle, such as genetics, nutrition, disease,
toxins, politics, and bad cheese (oops, I said politics, didn't I?).  Some
people may have hair that grows slow and has a short lifespan, so the hair
only grows to the shoulders before it falls out.  But it still grows
continuously (with minor rest periods) throughout the lifespan of the
follicle, while in other mammals, it grows to a specific length, and then
stops growing.
 
As for the horsetails, I dunno.  I've owned a few in my life (still have 3
back in Ca-Ca land), and have never noticed it, but have to admit that since
they were working horses, the tail was trimmed short.  But no tailspin (HA
HA!) because they don't count.  The question was an evolutionary one,
implying natural mammals in natural environments.  What I should have stated
was "non-domesticated mammals," because lots of human-altered/bio-engineered
mammals grow hair continously, such as certain sheep and goats, and some
dogs, rodents and llamas.  And if Regina is correct, the tails of horses.
(I would add fish and game biocrats, but they aren't domesticated, and I
doubt if they are mammalian...) To best illustrate the point, the animal
closest to humans would be the chimpanzee; it shares between 97-98% of our
genetic code (some studies push it to 98-99%).  Like us, it only has primary
follicles, it sheds continuously, and the follicles live about the same
time.  Yet none have ponytails or long beards.  Or cool 'stashes.
 
I might also add that not all human head hair behaves this way.  Eyelashes
and (for the most part) eyebrows are exceptions.  BTW, there is a common
sense approch that confirms this stuff.  Hairs fall out when the follicle
dies; human hair grows until it falls out.  But look at the fur on your
ferret.  Once it grows to a set length, it stops growing, but stays in place
until the moult, when the follicle dies.  If you dyed your ferret's fur with
Clarol, it wouldn't show it's roots like the hussy down the street.  But
come the moult, it would look...well, different.
 
Any misunderstandings are my fault; the statement was meant to be a
throw-away comment meant humorusly.  To make the statement as accurate as
possible, it should have said "Human hair grows continuously throughout the
lifespan of the primary hair follicle instead of reaching a length limit as
in other non-domesticated mammals where the follicle enters a rest phase and
growth stops." But it loses its joke value.
 
Now to catch up the last six weeks of the fml. I have two weeks.
 
Bob and the Reunified 14. Plus Tex.
[Posted in FML issue 1602]