You know you're a fertbum....
 
01. If you consider poopie just "dark toe jam."
02. If you think of nutrical as a condiment.
03. If you've told visitors to ignore the corners...and the rugs...and the
    sofa...
04. If you are an expert on the translucence of earwax.
05. If you speed dial your vet more than twice a day.
06. If your cholesterol is over 600, but you carefully monitor your
    ferret's diet.
07. If your children all have four legs and are really short.
08. If your coworkers have finally accepted your "odor."
09. If you know more about kibble than your car.
10. If you use ferrettone as a moisturizer.
11. If you have more than one litter box in your vehicle.
12. If you feed your ferrets Bobs Chicken Gravy, but your kids are lucky
    to get McDonalds.
13. If you are frequently discovered playing with plastic bags.
14. If you would rather read the FML than a newspaper.
15. If you failed to do CPR on a coworker because you thought they were
    "sleeping, not dead."
16. If the dark material under your nails smells really bad.
17. If you have restraining orders from pet stores.
18. If you ever accidentally served kibble to your family instead of corn.
19. If your kitchen counters look like a vet exam room.
20. If you have ever suffered a groin pull stepping over a barrier.
21. If you understand what "backleash" means when walking your ferret.
22. If you have ever claimed your ferret was a deformed cat.
23. If your furniture has a path to the interior.
24. If the last ten books you've read all have the word "ferret" in the
    title.
25. If your pet store speed dials you when the new toys come in.
26. If your ferret has ever licked your tongue.
27. If you think a house without ferrets smells "funny."
28. If you considered doing your own necropsy when your dad died.
29. If you have ever picked up dried poopie with your fingers.
30. If you have a 'ferretsicle" in your freezer.
31. If you have ever inspected your neighbor's children for ear mites.
32. If staring, beady eyes have ever given you the sweats.
33. If you would rather play with ferrets than have sex.
34. If you have ever sniffed a ferret's butt.
35. You understand "insulinoma" and "adrenocortical disease" but freak
    when told you are "dyspeptic."
 
Bob C and 16 Mo' Furry Fertbums
[Posted in FML issue 3021]