Greetings General Rowdy and all FLO agents and sympathisers!!  we wanted to
join the FLO but mummy says we're not allowed 'coz we're already LITTLE
MONSTERS.  I don't know what she means but it must be good 'coz she calls us
that all the time.  we were going to disobey her directive but she
threatened to REVOKE our RAISIN PRIVILEGES if we do, so we can only be FLO
sympathisers but we thought we would tell you all some good MORALE-LOWERING
TACTICS for Neutral Humans to make them FLO sympathisers too.
 
1.  we have learnt that female humans have a STRONG attachment to these
funny little white plastic wrapped cotton mouses with long string tails that
they keep in a box in the bathroom.  We kidnapped mummy's supply of them and
EMBARRASSED her very badly by WRESTLING with these objects on the loungeroom
floor when they had human visitors.  Her morale was badly damaged and she
was FORCED to accede to our RANSOM DEMANDS with lots of RAISINS in exchange
for the cotton mouse hostages. (that was when she called us LITTLE MONSTERS!)
 
2.  we noticed that sometimes late at night mummy & daddy disappear into
their room and WON'T let us in.  we feared that they were HATCHING PLOTS
against the FLO but we investigated and found out that those long skinny
rubber things in little foil packets are INTEGRAL to their plotting.  we
decided to COMMANDEER these STRANGE OBJECTS for further investigation but
they taste YUCK!!!  we discovered that the male human's morale was SEVERELY
lowered if he runs out of these objects unexpectedly...But daddy, we weren't
REALLY naughty...we could have torn them all apart completely but instead we
just bit ITTY-BITTY LITTLE HOLES in ALL of them...(that was when Daddy
called us little monsters and CHASED us!!!)
 
3.  The Great Waterbed Scam: we're EXSPECIALLY proud of this one 'coz it
showed our ferret ingenuity and intelligence.  mummy and daddy have a GREAT
BIG WARM SOFT waterbed to sleep in - mummy tried to let us sleep in it once
but we thought she was taking up too much room so we BIT her TOES!!...and
then we weren't allowed to sleep in it anymore...we decided to teach them a
lesson so they wouldn't want to sleep in it anymore so we could have it ALL
TO OURSELVES...so we SNEAKED into their room one day and TURNED UP the
thermostat!!!  mummy and daddy think they're pretty smart but it took them a
WHOLE WEEK to figure out why they were having such a bad night's sleep and
waking up all sweaty!!!  and then they thought it was just an accident until
they FINALLY realised that every time they turned it down, WE were turning
it up again!!!...Humans can be SO stupid sometimes!
 
Anyway, gotta go 'coz I (that's me, SINBAD!!) got desexed on Friday and I
have a SORE TUMMY!!!  And MILLIE has a cold and keeps SNEEZING and
SNUFFLING!!!  And if we tell you any more morale lowering tactics we might
not get ANY MORE RAISINS!!!
****************************************************************************
 
A short note from Sophie (That's mummy to you, little girls! :)  )
The Tampon Incident was THE most embarrassing and also the most hilarious
incident I've had for a long time...didn't know whether to laugh or to
cry!!!  But the condoms were a bit more serious - I shudder to think what
would have happened if they'd swallowed one.  Thankfully they didn't seem to
like the taste.  The funny thing was, we thought the little girls had only
stolen a few of them...then we discovered at a VERY inconvenient moment that
they'd actually bitten holes in every single packet we had!!  Little
monsters!!  My SO (once he'd calmed down) thought maybe they were practising
safe sex?  Anyway, that shouldn't be a concern for Sinbad now, we had her
desexed on Friday, she's very proud of her scars, feeling a bit sorry for
herself but LOVING all the attention and cuddles.  Millie's also getting
plenty of attention for her cold, sneezes and snuffling.  I wanted to ask a
question but this has ended up much longer than I expected so it'll have to
wait 'til next time.
 
Best wishes to all...
Sophie (mummy), Sinbad (look at my scars!!!), and Millie (sniffle-snuffle).
[Posted in FML issue 1518]