Happy to share this oldy but goody:
Twas the week before Christmas and all through the house,.
all the creatures were stirring .....INSIDE ONE OF MY CHAIRS!
 
Last night I'm crashed out in my favorite chair, my friend is crashed on
the sofa.  When I awoke to the clamor of weasels fighting inside the very
chair in which I sat.  Little ingrates.  How dare they invade a piece of
my furniture, rip it's stuffings, MAKE A NEST OUT OF IT and THEN proceed
to fight amongst themselves!!!  Overcome by the nerve of the collective
I decide, O.K. That's it, the gloves are off.  This is war.  Within
minutes I devised a plan to exorcise the chair of the furry demons.  I
plan to accomplish this by annoying them out of the chair.  I stick my
hand under this spot under the arm of the chair where they use a piece
of material as a hammy.  (Resourceful little buggers).  Sure enough,
one of the little devils was hanging their napping and I proceed with
Mission: Annoy.  Heh heh heh I thought....Boing, boing, boing.
Weeeeeeeeeeee.  Isn't this fun sweetheart?  Back and forth I bounced her
little fuzzy butt laughing to myself.  Half hearted attempts were made
to bite me through their make shift upholestery hammy but I pressed on
snickering to myself as I turn the tables on the fuzzy devil.  I reached
further around under the arm rest, I got lucky.  To what do my prodding
fingers appear?  A great big opening where i could actually touch
her...my hand reaches for the furry little monster when all of a sudden
there is pain.  Alot of pain.  She has my finger and is biting.  Hard.
The harder I pulled away, the harder she bit down....and pulled!  My
finger had become a fleshy cheweasel being dragged to hidey hole hell.
Visions of tattered flesh danced in my head.  Through white hot pain I
swear I heard them chanting choruses of the Gremlin song.  "YA YA YA YA
YA YA!!!  YA YA YA YA YA YA!!!" Dear God, they are enjoying this...and
I... am being dismembered.  I can honestly say that I have never been
bitten this hard by any animal in my life time.  Then it occurred to me,
the ultimate horror.  What if my friend wakes up to see me, arm stuck in
a chair cursing at a piece furniture to please set me free?  The men in
the little white coats surely would be called and I would never, ever
live this one down.  What made the little demon decide to finally let
me go?  I'll never know, but finally she gave back the finger...in it's
entirety.  To my surprise, I was no worse for the wear except for a
tiny blood bruise.  I flipped the chair over, uncovering six possible
culprits, all looking innocent.  I knew in my heart that it was none of
the males.  Oh no, this vicious attack could be carried out only by one
of the girls...and there she was.... in the corner sucking pieces of
flesh from her teeth and snickering to herself.  I gathered up the
innocent as well as the guilty and delivered the same sentence to all....
lock down.
 
And I heard them exclaim as I sulked out of sight..."Merry Christmas mom!
Bet ya won't try that again!".
 
YA YA YA YA YA YA......YA YA YA YA YA YA.!!!!
 
Kim Fox
Animal Communicator, Medical Intuitive
Director of Somethin Up My Sleeve Rescue                                                Authorized Distributor of Timmy's Tonic
[Posted in FML issue 4633]