>From:    "Church, Robert Ray (UMC-Student)" <[log in to unmask]>
>
>10. For me, ferrets symbolize joy; try and honor the joy they brought
>into your home.
 
for me as well, ferrets symbolize joy.  when my ferrets pass on, I
concentrate on the good memories I have, and avoid thinking about the
circumstances in which they pass on.  I try not to think about the
maybe's and whatif's, because I don't think it is constructive, and
thinking isn't going to change anything.  I would always have ferrets,
to not have any more ferrets because the pain is so great would be
dishonouring the memory of my loved ones; for me, the happiness they
bring me would always be worth way more than the pain I go through.
 
having said that, the above is my very logical assessment of how things
are, and I do carry it out logically.  emotionally is a different matter.
after my first ferret crossing last year, I kept myself busy and such,
and thought I was dealing fairly well with things.  however, I was unable
to focus on my work, and barely managed to get things done.  after coming
back from a relaxing holiday (with ferrets) more stressed than before,
panic attacks and death related thoughts, I finally got help in the forms
of anti-depressants and counselling.  I was lucky that anti-depressants
worked for me, and my counseller is understanding and helpful.
 
before I had ferrets, I had probably had depression (event triggered) for
10 years or more.  after I became a multi ferret household, my depression
symptoms (mostly suicidal thoughts, which is a bit worse than death
related thoughts) disappeared, and I was described by somebody as the
most content person they know.  it lasted about 3 years before my first
ferret crossing, and if I hadn't seeked help before my next two ferret
crossings within the same week, I'm not sure whether I would be able to
deal with it.
 
one of the things that came up in counselling was the irony that my
ferrets, responsible for so much of my happiness, is also the cause for
so much pain.  I have to admit that because of past experiences I am
probably more attached to my ferrets than the average pet owner.  I had
set up a ridiculous number of defense mechanisms to avoid disappointment
and sadness, and yet not anticipated the ferret.  if I had known they
were so shortlived and had so many problems, maybe I would have gotten a
parrot 8 years ago, or got started on cocaine :), or something.  but now
it is too late, I am hooked.
 
I think one of the things that ferret owners have it worst is that
ferrets elicit the same emotional attachment as dogs or cats, yet their
expected life span is less than half as long, and the number of medical
problems they have is much higher.  so for a multi ferret family, dealing
with crossings every couple of years, or multiple ones at the same time,
seems very common, but this problem is not addressed in any pet loss
articles I have read.
 
I guess I'm sharing a bit of how I try to deal with it (not necessarily
that successful), and my rather cynical view of things.  I'm also lucky
in terms of having very supportive friends, but I still find it
impossible to talk to anybody about my ferret crossing, and it is partly
out of respect for people who care about me that I share at all.
 
a metaphor I have found useful in trying to explain to others what losing
a pet feels like.  imagine a two year old toddler.  at that age, they
have enough intellectual interaction, yet still a lot of dependency, love
is unconditional, and you are their all.  losing a pet would be like
losing a toddler.
 
posting anonymously because I want to focus on the experience rather than
the individual.  but if anyone has questions posted to the fml I would be
happy to answer privately.  I would also be interested in how people deal
with multiple losses over time.
 
[SU]
[Posted in FML issue 4049]