Hey Guys!  Paw Paw wrote this to Jeri and the Furry Four in Texas.  She had
asked him how the TV remote had ended up in his lunchbox.  Just so nobody
will blame us, we convinced him to forward it to you.  We would NEVER do
anything like that.
 
Tater and Odie
 
   ---------- Forwarded Message ----------
 
From:   Sandy E. Schieman, 103055,2551
TO:     James L. Myers, 72122,3351
DATE:   3/8/96 9:02 PM
 
RE:     Copy of: WHEW!!!!!
 
You may not believe this, but the ferts had absolutely nothing to to with
remote ending up in my lunchbox.  We had about seventy-eleven feets of rain
on Wednesday and Thursday and then it turned colder than a titch's witty
last night.  I beeboped outa the house this morning a 6:30 AM, with every
intention of hopping into my trusted steed, Mobile 13, only to find him
encased in a sheet of major ice.  Thirty minutes of trying to defrost his
locks with Mee Maw's hair dryer did me no good.  I was in an absolute tizzy!
Having tasted major defeat, I trudged back into the house while congealed
hair spray and Grecian Formula dripped onto my last clean pair of uniform
britches from the spent hair dryer.  I called the Shop for instructions.
 
Robin, my dispatcher, told me to get there anyway I could 'cause she sure
had a lot of calls for me to make today.  I roused Mee Maw out of her Bible
reading, told her to quit lovin' on them cats and ferrets, and get her
clothes on.  "WE GOT TO GO!!" With amazing ease, I opened the door of my '93
Chevy and crunk him up, to let him get warm, so that me and Mee Maw would
not freeze our possibles off on the way to the Shop.  (Yes, she's a TRUCK
DRIVIN' Mee Maw.)
 
Tater and Odie thought that we had both be done gone nuts, decided that
everything was normal, and went back to sleep.  They are the only sensible
ones in the whole danged house.
 
Somehow in the process, in my panic, I turned the TV off and throwed the
remote into into my lunchbox.  Don't ask me why.  I don't remember doing it!
(::-{)}~~~~~ (many much drools)
 
When Mee Maw and I got to the Shop (she kept her eyes closed the whole time
'cause I was driving and was late), everybody allowed as how as it sure was
nice to see Mee Maw again, and how they admired the way all that drool had
frozen to my beard.  Heck, she even got to meet my best friend, Frisco, whom
I have known since we wired Fred Flintstone's cave together.
 
Robin gave me the keys to Mobile 17 and sent me on my way.  She said to take
it home tonight and hoped that 13 would thaw out before Monday.  I didn't
think much of it until I got home tonight.  I now have two big service
trucks parked in front of the house.  What ever shall I do if 13 DOES thaw
out?  Mee Maw has made it perfectly clear that she has no ambition to drive
anything THAT big.  How am I going to drive two big trucks back to the Shop
on Monday?  Guess Tater and Odie are going to get some driving lessons this
weekend!  I'd be willing to bet that they can handle it, as long as they
don't decide to stash one of them under the bed.
 
Major warning to everyone in Atlanta: Stay off of I-285 for the next few
days.  It could be Tater and Odie driving that big grey thing that's weaving
down the road.  Even worse, it could be Mee Maw!
 
Enough of this insanity, I gots ferts to play with.  This whole letter
started out as a reply to Jeri when she wondered if ferts had anything to do
with the remote ending up in my lunchbox.  Guess I be done got carried away
again and will have to send this to the FML and PML.  At least all the drool
is starting to thaw out from my beard.  The only problem is that it's
dripping into my TV dinner.  Gawd, how I do hate soggy pheasent!  And my
pate' de faux Paw Paw is kinda soggy lookin' too.  Oh well, at least there's
always tomorrow.
 
Loves and hugs,
 
Paw Paw
[Posted in FML issue 1502]