Dear FML
If you go out with a ferret, make sure the leash is tight enough.  Recently
I had spent the day at my mom's, who was also looking after my niece's pet
rabbit Bumibol.  As per usual I had brought my Stinky.  At the end of the
day my mother had nearly gotten a nervous breakdown from these animals,
that you had to check constantly, because they are natural enemies.  My
mother forced me to take Stinky home, but my girlfriend wanted to go out
to dinner.
 
Well, Stinky had had a very exiting day indeed (rabbits !) and was now fast
asleep inside my jumper, so maybe we could try to go to a very quiet place
where she would not wake up.
 
We went to a subdued and very conservative Italian restaurant.  And, thank
God, Stinky slept all through the meal.  No one in the restaurant knew what
was hidden under my jacket.  Until my girlfriend noted, during the dessert,
that I had grown two heads.  Stinky had popped her head out of my collar
and was keen to inspect the table.  I had just bought this new leash, so
maybe she could play under the table for a while.  No one could see her
there anyway.
 
Again she was very quiet.  None of the regular pulling and protesting.  The
little angel.  But when I grabbed the leash, which was safely fastened to
my belt, I pulled up an loose piece of string, like a fisherman without a
catch.  Oops.
 
Don't say anything,' I said to my girlfriend: Not all Italians are animal
lovers, but maybe not all is lost.  Obviously nobody has noticed Stinky
yet, otherwise we would have heard.' We did not have to wait long.  Just as
we were about to start our search a scream came from the kitchen.  "Aiuta
mi, sono attacato di un animale !" (Help, I am attacked by some beast !).
Stinky was trying to climb up the leg of a waiter, possibly trying to get
onto some work surface, but she didn't manage to get past the apron.  The
waiter, who had his hands full, shook her off, which she interpreted as the
start of playing time.
 
To the dismay of the restaurant staff she decided to entertain the guests
with war dances between the tables, feeling at home as if she was a daily
customer.  When somebody asked if she was a squirrel, I felt everything
would be OK, because squirrels are cute.  When people call Stinky a rat,
I know they are disgusted.
 
But Stinky continued teasing the guests, dashing around like an idiot and
very much enjoying the attention of the ever increasing number of people,
who were trying to corner her, without actually daring to pick her up.
Meanwhile the food on their plates was getting cold.
 
I finally managed to retrieve Stink from some lady's shopping bag.  We
immediately paid the bill, left a fat tip, without the illusion of ever
being allowed to return.  The cook had, because of all the commotion, over
boiled the pasta and hated us.
 
So, I am still very happy with the purchase of a ferret leash but have now
learned to put in on tight enough.
 
greetings
 
Patrick Faas
 
P.S.  A warm ferret in your jumper or shirt can be very soothing, when you
have a stomach ache.
 
P.P.S.  Why can a ferret learn the meaning of the word 'no' but not of the
word 'ouch' ?
[Posted in FML issue 2885]