Something from the heart
 
I lost my ferret Odin, November of 2002 , and my heart has once again,
been broken ever since.  I didn't loose him to death, by disease or old
age.  I lost him, due to an inability to act upon a danger, posed by
access to a door, and his own curiosity.  He is lost to the public,
somewhere...to this day, I have searched for him, with prayer, my heart,
tears, through fliers, posters, pictures, help from my friends, and the
local newspaper.  Still I hear nothing of my Odin's where about, still my
heart aches to know, where, or, what has happened to him.  I am ridden
with guilt, for he depended on ME, to care /feed and protect him, and I
failed.
 
My Odin...
 
Odin, is a big loveable ferret, who came to me as a kit, a gift from a
daughter whom I never expected to gift me with yet, another ferret, but
it seems that she has a penchant for favorites, in color, Blazes, to be
exact.  Odin is missed, by his family, for he was a creature of habit, he
had a penchant for pizza.  Especially Luigi's or is it so, because we had
the same love for Luigi's pizza's ourselves?  His habits, are that of
being so laid back, he would come out to the kitchen, while I was there,
and roll over on his back, all 4 paws in the air, and cock his head, and
just give me the "look" ...he would lay there, seems like forever...or
the days we would order pizza delivery, and shortly after the aroma would
waft to the bedroom, where he chose to spend most of his time, sleeping ,
where ever ...the mood struck him, drawer, hammock, under the bed, he
would come out, climb onto a chair, paws on table and patiently wait for
his special piece of pizza crust, at first, it was just the crust he
wanted, then it progressed, where he would like a little sauce with it
also.  In the evening, there was a ritual with Odin and my husband, Odin
loved to dig at his ankles, Dan tolerated it, for as long as he could,
and then he would place Odin on the floor, and the ritual would begin,
down and around the end of our king size bed, Odin would run, we could
hear the thunder of his feet, running, helter skelter to get back to
where he was intent on being, through the first cage, over the 2nd and
then across the 3rd to my side of our bed, over the scramble under the
blankets, to get to Dan's ankles for just one more dig, this would not
be a nightly ritual, but often enough, to remember him by.  They, Odin
and Dan would repeat this till Odin, became tired of the game, and would
finally find a place to settle down for the evening rest.  These are the
things I remember the most about my Odin, boy.  Other than I said, he
didn't have paws he had paddles for he was such a big boy, and his feet
matched his size.
 
Odin was a gift to me, on my 50th birthday, from my daughter, who
tolerates (?) my ferrets, and my love for them, for they are free roam,
and can be ...inconsistent at times ...or even down right playful, in a
painful sort of way?  My ferrets, I adore them !  Who would ever try to
convince me that my ferrets were other than, the most!  I had told my
daughter who is often very thoughtful, and giving, that I really didn't
need anything for my birthday, but if she was thinking of giving me a
gift, make it something for the ferrets, I already had, anything I
wanted, and did not need more stuff.  Little did I know, what she started
plotting and planning, or did she?  even know , herself?  What events did
I set in motion, with those few words?  Lynn, on my birthday, presented
me with 4 boxes...boxes , I thought holding only colorful plastic,
connecting tubes, to create a play tunnel for the ferrets.  She lined
them up in a row on the table in front of me, and one by one as I opened
and examined them, I carefully replaced them back into their consecutive
boxes, intending to put them together at a later time.  (the ferrets were
no where about at the time ) so no feelings were harmed, by this action.
 
As I opened and removed the last section of colorful plastic tubing, I
felt a "thud" is about as best I can describe it, at the bottom of the
box, with a puzzled expression on my face, wondering what could have
fallen to the bottom, I peered into the box, only to see a tiny white
face, peering back at me with the same bewildered look.  There was a
tiny being in the bottom!  My first thought, was "why did Lynn buy a
rat?" Then the brain started to rationalize once again, and I thought,
to myself, "that's not a rat, it's a ferret!"
 
Odin was but only a few weeks old at our introduction, a beautiful little
blaze (white face, bib, mitts, and white stripe up the middle of the
head) boy ...he was a reddish color coated , where there was color on
him.  Just a wee little tyke, but he was mine .  I don't think, Lynn
intended to buy her mother another ferret, but this one was special, he
was a blaze, and they are few and far between.  Henceforth, my daughters
selection of Epimetheus, aka Eppy, the first ferret she ever bought for
me.  Why Odin, for a name?  Dunno, just sounded good I guess.  Norse god.
 
All I know now, is Odin is missing.  I don't know where he is, and I
am worried, for his safety, well being, and my own selfish reasons of
wanting him back.  I am attached to him, through heartstrings?  I keep
a lot of my fears, and tears to myself these days, and just do a lot of
prayerful requests that Odin is in the care of someone, who has his best
interests in mind, or ..".here" it is, that dreadful thought, that if ...
he has passed, it has been peaceful and painless, and he is now in the
embrace of his heavenly father and creator.  I just wish I knew
something, but through another lesson, a year ago, the same month, I had
learned, much...patience, and persistence and faith.  Odin is out of my
care, and in that of his creators, and, or who ever may have him, if that
is the circumstance.  All I can do is send him my love, pray a lot and
hope, and keep looking for him.  I vowed I would never give up, as with
Eppers, the same with Odin.  I fall apart sometimes, lose faith, try to
hide my tears, but then I have friends that give me that "pep talk" what
if...and I put myself right back into the search.
 
The weather here hasn't been the kindest, it has been a rather
chilly/extreme winter?  or is it for the fact that we have been spoiled
on some rather mild winter weather that it just seems so cold, that is
another concern of my, for Odin's well being, can he deal with the cold?
Has he found, shelter, food, water?  Essentials, for survival?  Some one
to care for him?  To, help him find his way home?  Has, he gone silver on
me?  Everyday, I think of all that has gone on around me, I try to live
as normal a life as I can, and keep up with the pace of housekeeping,
work demands, family and animal care, but Odin is always there in my
mind, the one lost family link.  An essential part of this household,
yes, life goes on, but it has taken a different course, since he has
disappeared.  My life itself reflects his absence, from it.  I have
already burned out the 2nd bulb in the light outside the door, it is on
day and night, as a beacon for him, a guiding light so to speak.  My
beacon of love, for one lost little/big boy, my Odin.  It will continue
to burn, and burn out, till he is once again home, with us, or I am
convinced ...of that which I hope for (a new home) or deny (a passing) .
Till then, my heart will search on and on, in hopes that we be together
again, Odin, his brother/sister (s) and the rest of us, here.
 
I love & miss you Odin...
 
I am sorry ...
 
God please watch over my boy, today, tonight, tomorrow, forever  .
[Posted in FML issue 4034]