Dear FMLers,
 
After writing about my dilemma regarding the constant need for surgeries
and the consequential financial situation, I realized that some day I
will lose my two girls (no, it hasn't dawned on me yet that I will lose
my other younger two).  I keep thinking that if I make the correct
decisions and spend enough money that I will prevent them from leaving
me.  And, yes, in my warped way of seeing things, I feel as though, by
dying, they are leaving me.
 
So, here I am with active, happy ferrets and I'm making myself miserable
because all I can think about when I see them is that they will leave me.
It makes me want to spend less time with them because I want to prevent
the pain and anguish that will come.  I haven't lost a ferret yet, but I
have lost a pet rat.  That experience stopped me from getting any more
pets for at least 2 years because I didn't want to deal with the pain
that came along with the love and joy of having a pet.
 
I'm facing a big decision on Friday regarding whether to do surgery or
not on my active, happy ferret whose BG continues to go ever lower.  And
within the next month or so, I'll have to make the same decision on my
other ferret whose BG is now borderline.  As of yet, there have been no
other symptoms besides the actual numbers coming out of the machine.  How
do you guys do it?  I haven't even lost a ferret, nor are any of them
showing any signs of being sick, yet here I am, already mourning their
death.
 
I keep trying to remember to enjoy them while they are here -- to enjoy
life while I'm here.  I'm not honoring anyone or anything by being
miserable and having an extended pity party.  But this line of thinking
hasn't helped me yet.  Or, at least, not this week...
 
Bracing myself for the inevitable,
Suzanna Donahue
[Posted in FML issue 3907]