Ok guys! Stop. I had 73 messages to Elizabeth in my mail box by 2 pm
today, and 6 phone calls! I'll talk to her; I can't promise anything, but
she listens when she isn't mad anymore. I'll do my best.
As for myself, I didn't intend that Elizabeth mention that I might drop off
the FML. Those words were spoken out of frustration and anger, and when a
few cooler and perhaps more mature minds talked to me about it, common sense
prevailed. I guess that means you will all have to put up with me a bit
more, lucky you. I do have a few comments to make, and then I will drop the
entire thing like the load of crap it is.
First, rumors hurt people. Few have any more than a superficial resemblance
to truth. In real life they are damaging enough, but tend to die out on
their own. However, with computers and the internet, and old snippets of
email being passed back and forth like a bad cold, its like they are on
steriods or something. In a single weeks time, I read 5 *different*
verisons of a single rumor circulating about my sex life. I personally hate
rumors and always react to them by ignoring them, if I don't know the
person, or by bringing them into the light of day if I do. I accomplish
that by asking *both* parties what is going on.
Which brings me to my second point. Finding places that allow you to hook
up to the internet can be frustrating and difficult. Many hotels/motels
have hard-wired phones so people can't unclip then and walk of with the
phone or lines. My PhD project has me working in museums; at the
Smithsonian, to get an outside line to make a call charged to a calling card
required an in-house operator, who was only there during normal working
hours. As for in-house computers, most seem to be the evil PC that I have
come to hate (Come on, does any person actually *need* 36 BILLION dollars?)
and without a telnet-type program, they can't talk to my server. The end
result is, I don't read my email sometimes for days on end. As for using
the computers of the people I met, well, I do sometimes, but usually the
visit is so short, *I* don't want to spend it bettering my "screen tan." So
what seems to FMLers as "Bob dropped of the face of the planet" is actually
"Bob doesn't have time to get online."
Which brings me to museum work in general. The data I am generating is for
my PhD. I plan on visiting a total of 16 large museums/collections in about
a year, and they are scattered all over the USA. I've finished in the SW,
and will finish the NE this summer and fall. During winter, I will hit the
SE, and next spring the NW. Why the NW in the spring? Because the
archaeology conference will be held in Seattle and I will be giving a paper
on the correlation between human nutrition and animal bone fragmentation.
Why the SE in winter? Because it looks like the FML party will be sometime
in January, and someplace in Florida. Makes things easy. While I might get
some grant money for next year, these trips are essentially out of my own
pocket. That means, I need to do them as quickly because time is money.
Translate that to: Bob keeps his butt in the museums as long has he possibly
can. So when some people ask "Where the hell is Bob?" the correct response
is "stuck in a museum butt-deep in bone, trying to save a buck." (Unless I'm
looking at elk, he he).
The next point is, its hard to find places to stop and call when you are
unfamiliar with towns. Take pay phones, for example. In some town, they
are placed inside buildings, which removes them from use when places are
closed. Or, have you *ever* tried to find a phone when you are driving
across sections of Texas, Nevada, Utah, any northern border state, etc? I
have spent hours looking for a phone to make a 5 minute call. Now try to do
it when you are supposed to be somewhere 500 miles away the next morning. I
call when I can. Which brings me to my final point.
The only people I make absolutely sure I stay in daily contact with is my
family. I call each day I am on the road, and when in a strange town, such
as DC, I call a minimum of every-other-day. Since Elizabeth monitors my
email and the FML while I am gone (she doesn't read it, just downloads it
for me if I can't get online. Well, she reads the FML for important news),
she is the only person in Missouri who knows what I am doing. Let me say
that with emphasis: THE ONLY PERSON ONLINE IN MISSOURI WHO KNOWS EXACTLY
WHAT I AM DOING IS ELIZABETH!! She is the source of truth here.
If you wonder what is going on because I've been busy and haven't yet
dropped by, send an email to Elizabeth at my email address. For her to read
it, it must have her name in the subject line or she will download it for me
to read later. Now, you have to understand Elizabeth is neither a message
machine nor glued to a computer screen. She is young, pretty and popular,
when means some days she skips getting online (gasp! Someone in
computer-land with a life? Say it isn't so!) Also, she has just started a
new job. But, within a reasonable day or two, she will answer you, or at
least forward a message to the FML. You know, like when my dad suddenly
died and she let everyone know my travel plans had changed.
If you hear a rumor, and not just about me, I would encourage you to bring
it to the attention of the people in question so it can be dealt with
quickly, before the internet steriods blow it out of proportion. And some
jokes backfire because its hard to see the "nod nod, wink wink, ya know what
I mean?" over the ether. What might have originated as a joke about
Elizabeth and me was reported back as "Bob writes Elizabeth's posts,"
"Elizabeth isn't a real person," "Elizabeth is one of Bob's FML
girlfriends," and "People on the FML are tired of Elizabeths stories." Its
pathetic. If you hear something about me, just ask. I'm actually quite
honest, no matter *what* you might have heard.
Subject closed.
Bob C and the 17 Missouri Sofa Monkeys.
[Posted in FML issue 2006]
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