Dear Harry Banana,
I am no longer living on the Earth.  My mom is very sad and she is crying
a lot.
 
Monday morning, she took me to a veterinary hospital where they put me on
IVs to try and build my strength because I was pretty dehydrated.  A blood
test showed that my white cell count was very low, probably a side effect
of the Cytoxan I received a few weeks earlier.  They gave me antibiotics
to try and strengthen my immune system, medication to help with digestion
because I was grinding my teeth and didn t seem to have much of an
appetite, various other medications, and intravenous electrolytes and
proteins.  The vet said my body had already started cannibalizing some of
my muscle mass.  Mom could feel the vertebrae in my tail.  She kept feeding
me and trying to put weight on me.  They took an X-ray early Tuesday and
discovered some fluid in my lungs and abdomen, but I was breathing pretty
normally except for occasional rapid breathing and my heartbeat was strong.
Wednesday morning they gave me intravenous chemotherapy using a drug called
L-asparaginase.  After checking with some other vets, they also gave me an
experimental dose of a drug that increases the white blood cell count.
 
Mom visited me a lot and held me bundled up in her lap to try and cheer me
up and keep me comfortable.  That was nice.  She gave me treats and petted
me and talked to me.  I liked having her there.  She hardly went to work at
all on Wednesday.  By Wednesday afternoon, I started having very runny,
black diarrhea, which the vet said was not a good sign.  But I was still
eating chicken baby food and Ferretone and drinking a little and Mom was
hopeful that maybe I was clearing out a lot of dead cancer cells.  I
probably was, along with a lot of good cells.  Finally, by late Wednesday,
my normally red gums and pink nose had become very pale.  The vet said
there was a good chance I might not make it through the night.  Since Mom
still wasn t ready to give up, the vet said the only hope was that she
could give me a blood transfusion if Mom could find a ferret to donate
the blood.  Mom rushed home and picked up Chocolate Moose and Zipper.
Chocolate Moose donated blood.  He s a brave guy.  My nose turned pink and
my gums turned red again before midnight and I was resting peacefully.  The
vet gave me oxygen and made me stay in the incubator.  Mom kept looking in
and kissing me whenever someone opened the door.
 
After a while, the vet made Mom go home.  Toward morning, I started passing
blood through my mouth and nose.  The vet called Mom at 4:45 a.m. and told
her I had passed away.  My system just wasn t strong enough to heal the
internal bleeding from the cancer tumors.  Now Mom feels guilty for trying
to keep me alive because she thinks she made me suffer and wishes she had
let me go a little sooner.  But I really liked the time we spent together.
She really hates cancer because she s lost a lot of family members and
ferrets to cancer.  I m not hurting any more.
 
When I get to the Rainbow Bridge, I will say hello to your brothers Simon
and Norm the ferrets, Max the dog, and Ben the cat.  I will look for my
sister C- pi, my sister Frankie, and Chloe the cat.  We will play tag with
Chloe, who will probably run away and hide behind an angel.  I hope they
have lots of magic carpet rides - real ones that fly through the air
instead of a towel being pulled across the floor.  :-)
 
I love you very much, Harry.  It has been great fun being pen pals.  I
will always have fond memories of sending letters to each other about our
favorite treats and adventures.  One of my favorite memories is stealing
the world s biggest raisin as big as a breadbox from a California farmer so
all the outlawed ferrets could have a big party.  I especially appreciate
Dr. Williams for sharing lots of good information on the Internet and
helping me out when I was little and putting my picture on his Web page.
I miss you and hope to see you again someday.
 
Love,
 
Esperanza
ca. March 15, 1993 to July 15, 1999
[Posted in FML issue 2743]