Ok.  That is IT!!!  Ferret-ka-bobs for dinner!  Ferret ala french fry!
Ferret soup!  I have had it do you hear me!!!???  Is anyone listening?
If so then HELP ME!!!!!!!!  Will someone please come here and talk to my
ferrets.  Will someone plllleeeassee explain the facts of life to them?
Here is what I have been telling them and the AREN'T LISTENING!!!
 
    My Dearest Ferrets
 
1. It is NOT necessary for you to inspect the clean dishes in the
   dishwasher.  It is double not necessary that you leave your ferret
   paw print as your seal of approval.  The dishes do NOT need to be
   "lapped dry" by your ferrety tongue!!  Get out of there I say!
 
2. I do NOT want your help vaacuming!  Get off the motor head and
   STOP batting at the rotating bar!  You WILL lose your ferrity
   fingers!!!
 
3. I do NOT require you to leave me daily deposits of your affection
   for me in every corner of the house, that DOESN'T have a puppy
   pad!  I doubly do not need you to POINT IT OUT TO ME WITH YOUR
   SILLY GRINS!!!
 
4. I see that to YOU it is necessary that you take a daily shower with
   me.  However, I do NOT require your help with eating the soap.  I do
   NOT need you to lick my toes dry and cause convulsive laughter, that
   results in me falling down amongst you.  I certainly do not need you
   to scrub my back.  If you want a shower - fine.  Leave me out of it!
 
5. It is NOT ok for you to sneak out of your cage at 2 am and slither
   up the stairs.  It is NOT ok for you to open the door to my bedroom.
   It is NOT ok for you to scale the night stand to get on the bed.  It
   is CERTAINLY NOT ok for you to wake me up by walking across my face
   and biting my nose.  I DO NOT want to play with you now!!!!
 
6. It is NOT ok for you to tip my glass of water over on my face
   if I don't wake up quick enough for you.  I don't want or desire
   a bath at 2 am.
 
7. It is NOT ok for you to tip the cat's water bottle over and go for
   a swim in the spilled water.  It is NOT ok to swim in the bowl either!
 
8. It is NOT ok for you to help me clean the fireplace.  You do NOT
   look good in black!!!  Get out of those ashes!!!
 
9.  It is NOT ok for you to torture the cat.  She is your friend.
    You ate all her food for God's sake - give her a break!!  She does
    NOT want to give you ferret-back rides!  That hissing and twisting
    and writhing beneath you does NOT denote fun to her!
 
10. It is NOT ok for you to sneak up on the dog and pounce on him
    causing him to go into hysterical shrieks.  He is NOT enjoying it!
 
11. It is NOT necessary to steal all the inserts to every pair of
    my shoes and boots.  Put them back!  I need them!!
 
12. It is NOT necessary for you to steal chocolate either.  Just
    ask me nicely and I will give you a bite! You do NOT need to
    take the last one - it is mine I say!!!
 
13. I thank you for your help undecorating the Xmas tree.  Now where
    did you put the damned ornaments???!!!  Can I at least have the
    tree back guys?
 
14. It IS necessary for you to give me daily kisses.  Your kisses, I
    misses!  It IS necessary for you to help me laugh daily.  It IS
   necessary for you to hang around here, as long as the Good Lord
   allows.  That is the ONLY reason you are not ferret-ka-bobs yet!
 
15. It IS necessary, should you continue with the bad behavior, that
    you go live with your Nanny for a week.  That'll teach you!
 
Sorry Mom - you wanted the title Nanny!  Hehehehe.
 
Happy Day to all my ferrety friends and my Momma!
 
Kim and her Army of Idiots.
[Posted in FML issue 4021]