Dear Ferret Folks-

When we left off yesterday, I was in my soccer-mom minivan with my
sister, who was in the front passenger seat. The Todd Tote was in her
lap, and Todd had decided that he did not want to be in it anymore. I
was behind the wheel, and we were sitting in the breakdown lane in
"Park" on Route 2, a state highway.

You know how in those old, good *real* cartoons like Bugs
Bunny/Roadrunner when there was a fight you'd see a cloud of dust that
basically obscured the combatants, but you would see feet and fists and
occasionally a face with a tortured expression pop out of the cloud,
randomly? It was like that in my soccer-mom minivan. Only sometimes
you'd see a paw, or a whiskered snout, lip curled and fang showing.

And *that* is precisely when the State Trooper, who might have been
all of 22 parked behind us in the breakdown lane, and knocked on my
sister's window. We, of course, had absolutely no idea that there was
a Massachusetts State Police cruiser parked behind us. We were *busy*.
My sister, true to form, promptly shrieked. She has one of the most
sensitive startle responses that I have ever seen. She shrieked, and
Todd retreated into the Tote. ZIP!!

I looked over and almost shrieked myself, but I did have the presence
of mind to roll down my sister's window with my automatic button. And
there he was, Officer Maybe 22. Maybe. He had one of those ten gallon
hats on, shiny black knee boots, a gun, and those jodhpur pants that
always make men look like Baby Huey the duck with a really full diaper.

He said "Can I help you?" or something equally innocuous, and I started
to explain that we had a ferret who was getting loose from his carrier,
and---

At that instant, Todd blew three quarters of the way out of the Tote,
like that baby silver Alien in the original "Alien" movie. You know
the scene...the baby explodes out of a live human's chest and there
are like...ribs flying everywhere, and blood, and the little Alien
with the fangs sticking out of the victim's chest.

Well, Officer Maybe 22 managed not to scream. To his credit, he did not
reach for his gun, but he did hop back a good three feet. It was more
like he levitated. He hit the guardrail, and he couldn't go back any
further. Todd gave a lunge, and acted like he was maybe going to try
for the open window. (It wouldn't have worked, he was attached to the
Tote via the back clip of his H-harness, but he was going to give it
the old college try, none the less.) Rather than have Todd explode out
the open window and land blindly smack in the middle of the Trooper's
immaculate blue blouse followed by the ugliest ladies handbag on earth,
my sister gave a lunge of her own, and *stuffed* Todd back into the
bag.Then she mechanically rolled the top shut, and held it that way
while an extremely angry weasel fought and jumped and pawed.

I sweetly and calmly explained that as he could see, our pet was coming
loose out of his carrier, and rather than risk driving unsafely with
him loose in the vehicle, we were trying to take control of the
situation. By then my sister was fastening Todd's route of escape from
the Tote shut with safety pins. The Tote was still rocking and rolling,
and Officer Maybe 22 was giving it the baleful eye. He made his
excuses, and left in a flash.

Now, I am not a tactful person. I'm just not. I see things that others
don't, in Alexandra Vision, and they crack me up. While all this is
going down I know full well that the Trooper's car is recording the
entire interaction on video. All the cruisers have a video camera with
a forward view. All highway stops are recorded, complete with audio.
Officer Maybe 22 was going to have to *explain* this to someone,
somewhere. And why he flew...defied Newton's Laws of Universal
Gravitation. Officer Maybe 22 was going to have to write up some sort
of minimal report explaining what he found when he knocked on our
window. I'm mindful of this the entire time I'm dealing with him, I'm
seeing it on Alexandra Vision, and I am doing EVERYTHING in my power
not to burst out laughing like a braying Sicilian donkey. I manage to
keep my face shut. Barely.

The Trooper basically fled after that. He pulled out and away from us,
and back into the stream of traffic on Route 2. I wonder if he was
composing his little report. I wonder if he was trying to figure out a
way to break the video camera. I wonder if he stands so close to the
windows in vehicles anymore when he knocks on them. This may have
changed his life.

Fortunately, the Tote has changed Todd's life for the beter. He has
adjusted to it, and he gets to go lots of places. He gets to have
adventures while Allis the dog gets a well deserved rest at home that
requires no supervision. We are all happy.

Except...maybe that Trooper.

Alexandra in MA

[Posted in FML 6125]