Confession:  Forgive me Frettchen Volk for in this I "sin."
 
                                TO:
 
Seekers of Selfindulgent, Selfgratifying, Hedonistic, Selfservitudenous
"Fun."
 
                                OR
 
Oh, golly, do we ever love to show off our ferrets at the ferret shows!
 
Last year there was an organized ferret show at a local hotel, as I recall,
somewhere in the southern environs of Seattle.  I was there and videotaped
nearly the entirety of the "show." I had to leave before the conclusion of
the "show," 'cause I couldn't take it any longer.
 
The rented hotel room was much too small, hot, and smelled woefully.  The
pace was that of a paralyzed snail, and only a very few people knew exactly
what the hell was going on at any one time. I went to far as to ask the "MC"
to announce what was happening from time to time, but the announcements were
sporadic and unintelligble with the sound system that was in use (disuse?).
 
The people seemed to enjoy themselves and the chatter of voices was
pronounced in that small room of sardine-like packed bodies and many cages
of sweltering ferrets.  Two security agents, complete with walkie-talkies
and earplug phones guarded the door.  Hawkers of ferret "goods" were jammed
in along three walls.
 
The five (six?) judges at the far end of the room, for the most part out of
view of everybody except those sitting front in the folding chairs, took the
ferrets and stretched them, poked them, felt them, checked both ends, and
made notes of their findings.  When through "evaluating" the seemingly
endless numbers of ferrets, each was handed back to its owner and
straightforward thrust back into its little stiffling prison cage.
 
Perhaps worthy, I do not know, but the organizers of this show seemed to
have a corner on most of the ribbons that were awarded.  Ribbon recipents
hovered over their decorated ferret cages, seemingly basking in the "glory"
of their awards.
 
In the meanwhile, the poor caged ferrets slept as best they could in the
stiffling heat and smelly room, some having to be doused with cooling water.
Handling of the ferrets was absolutely forbidden by anybody except the owner
and the judges, for fear that epizootic catarrhal enteritis (ECE, sometimes
called the green slime diarrhea) would be spread among the ferrets. No
reports of any infections have been forthcoming to my knowledge.
 
In looking back at this "show" one must ask what benefit accrued to the
ferrets?  It would seem that such treatment of ferrets approaches absurdity,
and that the organizers and participants in this orgy of self-gratification
belies their love of their ferrets, or the at the least, plain common sense.
Could it be that their need for self-gratification surpasses common sense?
 
Most of the limp, docile, drooping ferrets that were examined minutely by
the judges engendered in me a feeling of devout pity for these cringing,
helpless and flaccid creatures.  They were in appearance, essentially bags
of ferret fur with something like a ferret burried deep somewhere inside.
Certainly not the free, happy-dancing creature that is the true,
free-running, spring-legged, bouncing ferret.
 
The wonderous personality of the ferret should rather be emphasized, because
of its vibrant, frolicksome basic nature.  Yet this, the very true substance
of the ferret, was all but suppressed at this ferret "show."  So sad to
contemplate.
 
Yes Shaeryn, I urge you to get in contact with me, Edward Lipinski, and I
can put you in contact with the organizer of this "show,"and possibly with
your help another one of these "shows" could be put on, and, from a
different perspective, perhaps improved, at least for the poor suffering
ferret.
 
Hopefully, as in the dog shows, where the dog is walked briskly by the
judges, could not the ferret somehow be judged on its innate behavior, its
active character, as well as its confirmation.
 
Lastly, one must consider the long term consequences of ferret shows too.
Look what's happened to dogs and cats: how they've been bred for special
confirmation characteristics with the terrible consequences to their good
health.  Are we to also eventually produce essentially deformed ferrets,
like dogs and cats, for the sole purpose of special physical show
characteristics?  Golly, I hope not.
 
      Quae nocent docent [L.] Things that injure teach; we burn and learn.
 
     Edward Frettchenvergnuegen Lipinski, Der Frettchenlustbarkeitsfuehrer !
[Posted in FML issue 2121]