At times this week I've been nearly inconsolable.  Less than twenty four
hours after the funeral a wonderfull, beautiful little girl I took care
of, my grandfather died.  He was diagnosed with cancer three weeks ago
and The Dr. said he had maybe 6 months... He didn't even get one.  It
just happened so quickly that it's taken a heavy physical and mental toll
on all of us.  Fortunately he did get those three and was able to make
amends with those he needed to the most and find his own inner peace.  He
was the strongest (and most stubborn) in our family though, after him was
my dad and then theres me.  The three of us have always been the ones to
hold everything together in the family.  Now he's gone and my dads barely
hanging in there at times and I know he has needed me to be even
stronger.  I tried really hard and kept it together as much as I could.
I knew if he saw me cry he would start as well and I can't do that to
him.  As for myself, I had four tiny shoulders to cry on and curl up
with.  Kiki and Minky Boodle have been my angels this last week.  They've
never been "snuggly" before, but this week they've been happy to sit on
my chest in bed and let me scritch thier teeny heads for what probably
seemed like hours.  I've slept terribly and no matter what time I seemed
to be awake one of them was awake to keep me company.  I thought I had
more time, and I procrastinated too long.  I had a lot that I wanted to
say and understand that I never got a chance to.  So late at night when
I'm wide awake and trying not to wake my son up, we talk.  (well, I do
most of it... ) They just look at me with this look of understanding, and
I know that everything is going to be OK in time.  I am so thankful for
all the joy my two fuzzy monkeys bring to my life.  They remind me that
even the strongest people have very human weaknesses and that there's
nothing wrong with that.
[Posted in FML issue 3925]