War Report:
 
The Ferret Liberation Organization suffered many severe setbacks over this
past week.  Unknown operators, probably sent by the Feline Defence
Initiative, have sabotaged many key ferret holdings through cleaning.
Headquarters reports the loss of over 30 butter crackers, as well as a total
of nine ferret cots (Model number "Men's size 9-11, Wool, reinforced heel").
Also stolen: a collection of dried avocado skins, and a disk of tablets
labelled "Ortho", which our labs were still investigating.
 
FDI forces have also been spotted in the Armoured Personel Carrier,
obviously having mistaken it for a hooded kitty bed.  Feline agents have
been removed from the APC four times this week.  FLO rebels have attempted
to deter the FDI cretins from the APC by stringing a plastic multicolour
slinky over all the blankets and inserting ping-pong balls in the holding
area.  The relentless Mad Dog, Feline forces leader, merely squashed the
slinky and loaded his monstrous body into the back of the holding area.  The
evil feline leader had to be removed by force, and paw to paw combat ensued.
Although the FLO assault was a success, the FDI forces have vowed to return.
 
FLO rebels have made inroads to the FDI territory, claiming the Aztec
Blanket region in front of the South Radiator.  Aztec Blanket is the private
holding of the FDI's Mad Dog, and the seat of FDI command.  The FLO claim on
this territory has struck a serious blow to Feline morale.
 
Feline agent Siddhartha has stuck with numerous unprovoked attacks over the
week.  Although this FDI agent lacks the power of his leader, Mad Dog, he
is able to run at an incredible speed.  Apparently, Siddhartha is acting on
his own.  FLO Commander Dodger has vowed to kneecap this agent.
 
Siddhartha has also been implicated in the loss of a multicoloured ping-pong
ball.  FLO rebels are reminded that, at a count of six, our ping-pong ball
reserves are limited and precious.
 
Neutral humans were seen removing vast amounts of resources from closets at
the far end of the war zone.  A rebel intelligence agent was sent in to
report on the Human activities.  Ferret Liberation Organization Commander
Dodger made this report later in the day:
 
"The closet contents are being prepared for shipment, and have been placed
in several large garbage bags.  Intelligence has learned that these
resources are to be sent to a cut-throat band of militiamen known as the
Salvation Army.  The FLO is distressed by the actions of the supposedly
Neutral Humans.  We do not understand why they have chosen to support
another military organization when our own FLO rebels are badly
undersupplied.  We have no choice but to reclaim these resources for our
troops, even if it means acting against the accord previously struck between
the Humans and the FLO."
 
Commander Dodger ordered an FLO assault on the prepared shipments.  Victory
was declared the next day.
 
"We have seriously degraded the integrity of the shipping containers.  One
container now cannot be moved without sustaining critical damage.  The
second has been bored with numerous holes.  This second container contains
much soft material, and initial reports project that it may be used as a
barracks to shelter several dozen ferrets.  We have an agent dilligently
sleeping in the second container.  He will be able to issue a final report
in several hours."
 
"We must send a strong message to both the Humans and the evil FDI that
interference in FLO affairs will not be tolerated.  Reinforcement troops
have been requested, but have not yet arrived.  Until the arrival of our
new rebel kit, remember:  FIGHT.  STEAL.  PREVAIL."
 
End of Transmission.  --Lynn.
[Posted in FML issue 1470]
[Posted in FML issue 1470]